Saturday, December 31, 2005

Jahresrückblick 2005 Teil 3

Es ist Juli. I thought it would pass in peace. Little did I know…

It all kicked off with the LEPer outing to Sentosa! Woot…got myself healthily tanned, lying on the sand with heidi, maybe and taryn…the remnants of the once 6-strong Leper Kolonie…but what a great time we had! I certainly had fun cycling with them (although there were many near misses…) and I’m really impressed and thankful that we can still meet up and talk rots for one whole day on end! I mean…I could never do that with my class anymore…somehow, either I expected things to stay the same or my ex-classmates expected things to stay the same – but we’ve all moved on…whereas among the 4 of us, all of us have moved on…there isn’t like any great expectations at all…

Maybe it was because the times I shared with my class were, like, fast perfekt whereas there was a long, rocky stretch between me and my LEP friends. Maybe that’s why I learned not to take them for granted. Maybe. Who knows? Oh…our Europareise was a trip of learning for me, personally as well as intellectually. And guess what? They taught me all of those. I donno if they learned anything from me, however. It’s sad that all we have now are just pictures. Memories. But still.

Bilder von Dir überdauern bis in alle Zeit
Bilder von Dir überdauern bis in die Ewigkeit…

There was also ACF…Army Commanders’ Forum…which all specialists and officers were required to attend. What can I say? It was ultimately boring, (sorry COA! Sorry, captain goh!) but I didn’t mind lunch with kingston & anthony…and certainly not a free dinner courtesy of ex-boss…promotion treat, it was…and we had seafood! OMGWTF! HAHAHA. Captain francis is just godly. He can just spring a treat on all of us. And encik hoo too…hahaha…he is one who really fits the title of encik, which is Malay for uncle, for the uninitiated… (Army slang : a term for addressing senior NCOs.) Because he is really damn uncle! He takes care of us like we’re his favourite nephews (ha, ha,) can be really an ass at times but who gets things done no matter what, and also…haha…you should see the way he kajiaos the waitresses at restaurants.

now the cynics they will wonder, what’s the difference with this dream?
and the dreams of countless others all believing in TV
you see the handprints on the sidewalk
flashing cameras on the scene
and a shining limousine…

July and August also saw me and my guys preparing for the NDP Carnival @ Marina South…a period of great disillusionment for me because the preparation phase was something which I felt was totally farcical. I was just a stand-in for king, but somehow I ended up doing every jack shit. That really pissed me off because I felt totally used but powerless. After all, I only wore 1 bar upon my shoulders, yes? And that means that I had no authority whatsoever…sigh. The Army was becoming a place which I felt was totally fake, and totally different from whatever I expected it to be as an officer, as a cadet. I suddenly became acutely aware of how important scoring points was. You score points for your boss, and it goes up and up and even the entire Army must score points with the public. Sigh. At this point of time, all thoughts of signing on with the Army evaporated. And to think I’m going to sign on with the SCDF. Goodness. I hope it’s better. But then, I guess brown-nosing and point-scoring exists every-fucking-where and I’ll have to live it, no matter how I detest it, or how disillusioned it makes me. I just didn’t expect it in a military organization. I thought we had more important things to do.

…now her mother collects cutouts, and the pictures make her smile
but if she saw behind the curtains, it could only make her cry
she’s got handprints on her body
sad moonbeams in those eyes
not so innocent a child…

August also saw the new cadets at TA Phase (I didn’t touch them much because of my maggoty NDP commitments) and BATTLE KING, which lasted half of September as well. More on that later. August also saw the GSI Inspection…when individual units go through a lot of stuff which I could never approve of. Sigh. The difference between NSFs and regulars. Their careers are at stake…but that doesn’t mean they can be so fucking unreasonable and change things TIME AND TIME AGAIN just to suit any particular whim of his! That was when I saw that ranger wasn’t exactly some model officer. He’ll probably only be able to thrive in the Army, where a rank and punishment system exists – not outside. He only sees what’s good for himself – I wonder if he gave 2 fucks about what his people felt. Even all the BCs had to stay back and work OT just to please him. Jeez.

Lucky captain francis was in post-out mood…so one evening, he announced loudly that he wasn’t gonna work no more and then dragged mel and myself out for some sakae sushi.

My ex-boss is amazing. I just felt I’d say it again.

Anyway, coming back to BATTLE KING. It was a huge learning experience for me – I felt like I learned as much as, if not more than, the cadets. Going with boss was really a plus point, because he taught me so much about the radar which I never knew – especially of radar theory and comms procedures. I came back feeling like a fucking guru and taught melvyn all I had gleaned. The downside of it was, well, me picking up the butts. It’s a horrible habit and sometimes I feel really guilty – but sometimes I feel that you’re only young once. Swinging from extreme to extreme…it’s like after NZ, I’ll not smoke anymore but…if you see me out drinking or whatever to do with entertainment, don’t be surprised to see me light up. Enjoyment should be so! Sigh. I really donno…the break between ORD and studying should be a good test if I can really stay like that. If I can, good. If not, then I think I’m in shit.

And at the end of BATTLE KING, I think boss got cheated by someone’s performance that he chose him to come to battery line. A heinous crime, in my opinion, but he’s the boss! Hopefully he’s woke up and smelt the rubbish. Sigh.

September also saw me taking my section out for FATEP training, basically, deployment drills…it left me feeling all cadet-ish again which was good…I really loved deploying with my guys…finally it was a time when we could hone our skills and, at the same time, exercise ground command and control. I must say I really had some honest good fun, and the individual sections used the time to gel and bond well. I was proud to be their section commander and I certainly hope they were proud to serve under me. Going through the tough times together really brings people together in a way which no other experience can bring. (and no, it’s not like I Know What You Did Last Summer.)

September was also the month I fell in love with two girls, namely, ezann lee and samantha tan. They are goddesses. Too bad they played lesbians in that movie, Be With Me…but oh well that’s every hormone-fuelled male’s ultimate fantasy, yes?

September was also the month I turned 20, became a fan of Arrested Development, lit my first cocktail, and began having strange dreams of some of the ladies in my life. *applause* happy birthday to me! Hahaha! Strangely, the hype about my birthday was really non-existent. I guess I’m just not a huge celebrator of my birthday. Haha…to me, it’s just another day. Don’t you agree? It’s just a reminder that you’re old! And that the grim reaper will be seeing you sooner and sooner…(well that sounds kinda warped, but I got that from watching Arrested Development.)

…let me sleep, so I can dream of you
let me sleep, so I can be with you…

And let’s not forget!

Geboren:

horz – 8.August
singapore – 9.August =P
jacqueline – 14.September
yu ru – 15.September
ivy jie – 17.September
uncle me – 29.September! (you can also celebrate on the Mooncake festival. Yes, I am that lucky to have millions of people around the world celebrate my lunar birthday unintentionally. Bah.)

Friday, December 30, 2005

Jahresrückblick 2005 Teil 2

So April saw the beginning of TA phase for the Trade Course. It was a time when melvyn and I were committed to training them the best way we could, using all the ideals we carried over from OCS. How fresh we were, with all the ideals of how officership should be like, with all our hopes and dreams of nurturing the best men that any officer could wish for.

and it really doesn’t matter if we don’t eat
no, it really doesn’t matter if we never sleep
no, it really doesn’t matter, really doesn’t matter at all,
because we’re so young now, we are so young, so young now,
and when tomorrow comes we’ll do it all again…

Guess what? All that fucking, punishment, vulgarity, discipline, and careful teaching really worked. We succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. They have become men whom we could leave in the specs because we knew we didn’t have to step in. They will always be my men (at least, for the next 3 months) and I am proud to have them under me, and to have me serve for them. And I don’t doubt that we had our differences (like with alex; that’s another story and I guess I’m glad that no matter what, you didn’t betray the trust we placed in you) but we all managed to come through somehow.

I also learned how to be Zen under potentially stressful conditions, like when one of my trainees got sent to the hospital due to breathing difficulties – it’s one thing to be worried, but it’s totally another thing not to show it…it’s strange, though, how sometimes I get rage blackouts and sometimes I’m really cool when you’d expect the average human to freak out. I guess I’m just strange. I got the experience of sitting at the A&E at 3 a.m. waiting for someone – something you’d rather not experience, but I did anyway…

All part of the Army experience? Hmm.

May saw the weather become absolutely unerträglich as it became hot and summery…a highlight of the month was, well…the teachers’ visit! I won’t say too much about it, save that we endured hours of sunshine to show the capabilities of Our Army(! So cliché, this term) to some teachers-to-be, getting healthily tanned (complete with disgusting Smart 4 tan lines) and looking out for chai at the same time! Hahaha…that sounded so lecherous but still. What do bored Army guys do anyway?!

On another note, my trip to CRESCENDO got cancelled because of an administrative fuck-up. As all things go, that’s the Army for you – a snafu Situation Normal, All Fucked Up. I do remember bugging kai xiang a lot about this, but oh well…what’s done is done. You can’t change it. I guess I was particularly pissed because I was arrowed to be the Admin OIC for this exercise, which meant that I went through a fucking lot of work, running up and down, packing stuff for the exercise which I never even saw. It’s not difficult to imagine what a fool I felt like.

Also went for my unit’s retreat…which was some kind of team-building session where we wanted to define the unit’s vision for the upcoming work year (but nothing much came out of it anyway except drinking, playing cards and pool, watching football and horsing around in the swimming pool with a Frisbee.) Still, it was a good opportunity for the 43rd FAOCC sluts to meet up and talk trash…its like we don’t see each other outside of camp anyway (well, ever since johnnycakes moved out – I miss midnight bowling! Hahaha.) Most of us just saw it as a buggeration which had to be dealt with. Oh well.

May was just so full of buggerations that although I once entertained the notion of signing on, it began to diminish, especially during the preparation for shipment period. I was so busy, with absolutely no one to help me (danny was new, mind you) that I just felt that I had to get away from it.

…you gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger
you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
you got to stay together…

And then June.

My unit moved to its new block! Finally, the days of Obdachlosigkeit came to pass and I finally had a proper bunk to myself. Two-man, at that, and it came with a precious commodity in Khatib Camp: powerful showers! After using a flexible rubber hose to bathe for about 10 months, that was a very welcome change…

Yay. I love my bunk. Hahaha…

Post-shipment life was pretty damned balmy…I finally had to opportunity to meet emelyne, someone who I see about 3 or 4 times per annum. It’s that sad, but then again, she’s a bright young girl who’s in a totally different world from mine…she’s really someone who brings me back to Earth. She’s the one who taught me never to take my friends for granted, and to take them for a blessing. It must’ve been some pretty potent magick which kept us going so far…and I bought her a moonstone pendant for her birthday – her birthstone…

and it is witchcraft, babe, and it is everywhere
in the woods and the sea, and the moon’s got it
this is witchcraft, babe, and it is everywhere
that shimmering and glimmering is what I am…

Speaking of the shipment, I also turned into jj part II…I inadvertently sent an e-mail filled with ‘interesting anecdotes’ about shipment to the CO (I accidentally included him in the list – I SWEAR! It was originally meant for my dudes/sluts) and I found out when boss called me to his office demanding an explanation. Sigh. Silly me. If you want to know what jj did, it became a legend of 24 SA…so it’s an insider’s joke – not for the general public! Haha…okay, okay. It has to do with jj, sng arms, and golf. ‘Nuff said!

The worst part of June, however, was the funeral of my heart. I knew she was attached to someone (she cited him as part of her reasons for rejecting me) but it was on June 26th – the day when our class gathered at shane’s place – when she brought him. Das war der Hammer! I just started downing Coronas at an astronomical rate. I don’t recall talking to her at all that night – if you heard any glass shatter, perhaps it was mine. That precious glass fortress I kept within me all this while – it shattered into tiny motes of light and crystal.

…she plays it hard, she plays it tough
but that’s enough – their love is over
she broke his heart and that is rough
but in the end he’d still recover
romance is over…

I guess she taught me an important lesson. About moving on. After some reflection, I came to the conclusion that you’re only young once die Zeit wartet auf niemanden und man soll die Zeit, die man hat, gut ausnützen. No, I didn’t become a bon vivant overnight – I began to learn how to deal with it – letting her go slowly, while living more, enjoying each day – Leb’ den Tag, living THE DAY, not just any day…living each day as if it was my last. Slowly, I became stronger.

I also committed my first major screw-up as an officer, by failing my men and specialists when I set the requirement for them in the first place. That very morning I overslept, I knew I was in for a lot of trouble – not from my superiors, but from my people. I really fucked it all up in front of them. For that period of time, I was pretty much a mofo – mainly because I was so demanding on the specs (sometimes I really was) and yet I failed to live up to their expectations of me. What was I to do? Once, in JC, I redeemed myself by action – because words never really had any value for me anyway – and this time I did it. It was slow and tortuous but finally I made it back to them. Apologies to little kuek about being such a wanker. It was my fault, and it still is.

And...geboren:

the april fool - 1.April
babycakes(!) - 7.April
johnnycakes - 19.April
heidi - 2.Juni

emelyne - 19.Juni

Can't really believe that's all but...that's all i have anyway!

Lastly, I made an amazing discovery about doctors whenever they treat soldiers. They always assume we’re fucking trying to chao keng! KNNBCCB…what the fuck man. I hope all my doctor friends don’t turn out that way. No fucking sense of professionalism at all, abandoning their first obligation – to render medical aid – for their stupid prejudices. Maggots, them. Bah.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Jahresrückblick 2005 Teil 1

So this is the report for this year’s first quarter.

All the major stuff had to do with me turning from a maggoty cadet into a proud commissioned officer (although looking back…sometimes I don’t feel proud at all – but that’s about 5% of the time only =P) So!

I commissioned on 23rd January 2005. A day of intense pride, when all my friends came to see me throw my peak cap on that parade square. A day of mirror-shined boots, jubilation, Mr. President, and generally the defining moment of my Army life. Yes, up til now even. A totally unforgettable moment, one where we stood proud and performed to perfection, that is…until the very end when something silly happened. Bleah.

this is my time, this is my life
gonna live it the way that I want it
this is my time, made up my mind
and it feels like I’m gonna make it…

So I entered TA Battery, 24th Battalion, Singapore Artillery as a fresh 2nd Lieutenant. With upperstudies like jj and mok and mark k. the slacker…learning the ropes from them was taxing for me and melvyn but that don’t mean it wasn’t fun! We learned and talked trash about each other, and made friends with LTA anthony…someone who came to be a closer friend after jj & Co. left us. We also came under our then-boss, CPT francis, who was one mother of a badass…by which we meant that he looked damn intimidating, but has a hilarious side to him (if you believe it…)

And all the times he jio-ed us to go and run! Hahaha! And as I write, jj is giving me a lecture on ‘Survival in New Zealand.’ Bah. I love jj. Wooot.

But that was after a two-week continuation of our course, where we learned two more systems, with john and yu ru. Highlight? John getting splattered with disgusting grey mud during EX SILL, moaning in despair at the same time. HAHAHA you poor thing. Pity I got no pics…

Early February was the commissioning ball for the 43rd FAOCC…it was also the time I brought a girl whom I’d fallen for, and to have gotten close to emotionally (but it wasn’t very physical at all) but to have it all come to nought. I never blamed her – instead, I asked her a question – Why? To which she couldn’t answer. Perhaps because of that episode, we grew closer…perhaps not as I’d have wished, as although I respected her decision, my feelings didn’t change. But still, deep down I believed I could change things. Make a comeback and the like.

…you know they say
in every man’s life, there comes a time
when you get struck by the arrow of Cupid,
by the love of God – or the beauty of a woman
and sometimes this love brings thunder to your life
it brings a storm – so sing about it…

I should really be thankful for the support of my blood bruddahs throughout this shenanigan. Without them…perhaps I’d be a different me. They taught me to accept things, and not to take her for granted – so what if she liked me and I her? To work things out, you gotta give and take – and ultimately, both of us must decide. They supported me through, sitting at pubs talking over glasses of alcohol, and trying to make the world that much easier to comprehend, that much easier to take. Must’ve been the alcohol. Or their words. Or both. Or maybe I sorted myself out. Hmmm.

March saw the beginning of the FATA Trade Course – fresh blood for all the men who were about to ORD (I ran into vagen today – the people you run into when you least expect it! But everyone always wants to run into a pretty friend – no wonder it never happens…) and melvyn and I are proud to say that we trained them the best way we could – and they turned into the best men a commander could almost wish for. More on that in April / May

We also warmed up to the FATA Specs truly about now…here was a time when, after observing carefully how jj and mok went about with them (although I must vehemently protest against mok’s treatment of the specs sometimes) and that’s when I became closer to some of them – most of us are quite great friends now! March also saw me doing my first DOO duties (which I now have the dubious honour of being 24 SA’s best DOO) and also my first display (babycakes! We lowered the fucking 37 antenna in 20 minutes!)

DOOs aren’t easy to do because of all your responsibilities – if I ever offended anyone, my apologies. I don’t believe in showing anyone any face as DOO because…you’re the biggest fuck in the unit. No one’s gonna cover up for you if you goof up – you better make damn sure that you do your stuff properly (no doubt, as those of you in 24 SA voyeuring my blog shold know…)

And as for that antennababycakes and yours truly spent 20 minutes in CAT 1 weather (it was already a thunderstorm, goddamn it) cranking that stupid antenna down, switching when we were tired. It was tiring, and we sure got wet – but we had fun! I remember laughing a lot…and the feeling of actually doing it before PGM could get the DGU to the parade square. YOU MAGGOT YOU! I was grateful for it to end because all the big fucks were intimidating me with their questions, some of which really challenged my radar knowledge (perhaps boss should have taken this display…)

March was also the month when samantha came back – that’s more private, but all I know was that I goofed up really bad at the airport – I offended her badly and I guess I should do more than say I’m truly sorry again – I never intended it that way, but good intentions are very easily misread, and I hope never to do it again. What transpired is, also, privat, and only 3 people are privy to it, me included.

…ach, könntest du es einmal nur mit meinen Augen sehen
könntest du es einmal nur, du würdest mich verstehen…

A problem of misunderstanding left questions in my mind – could I have handled it better? What should I have done? Should I have shut up and listened? Or went on? I felt responsible for all this, but…what could I do?!

And here, geboren:

kelvin – 1.Januar
taryn - 1.Januar (auch!)
samantha – 28.Januar
fats - 4.Februar (johnnycakes says so, sue him if it's wrong...)
kah yee – 10.Februar
my maggot little bro – 26.Februar
ween – 2.März
melissa - 16.M
ärz
szejie - 20.März
sherry – 30.März (you’re here because your terror of being old stuck on me…I hate…err, dislike being 20!)

Oh, and did I mention that I took up reading again? Hahaha! Back to the world of literary wonders, a world of make-believe, a brave new world where you can lose yourself in its marvels. All you have to do is to read – to open the doors yourself – sei ein kleiner Held – you can be one to yourself!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Der Kleiner kommt vor dem...

So here it is, mes amis.

If you want to know the real dirt about last weekend (which was pretty happening considering what my normal weekends are about anyway) here it is, before I publish my Jahresrückblick (which will be one mother of a post…)

So!

Last weekend began on Friday, when I was invited to kah yee’s for a movie marathon. Not much of a marathon anyway, since I crashed out of the race after my 2nd movie…we watched Herbie and l’Auberge espagnole… and then I crashed. I only awoke after their 3rd movie…which was Monster-in-law…damn…must’ve been that maggerous combat shoot (where we didn’t get marksman and celebrated wildly to just passing. Maggots…more on that later) and that was like…4 a.m.? I do know that sirui was sexually harassing me when he was on the floor and I on the sofa. (yes, it’s a HE, I’d much rather a she but…ah shite.) I can remember esther giggling in the dark and kah yee telling us to shut up…hahaha…what a horny turd this dude is. Oh well. Anything for a few giggles.

I woke up to see the dude going, and our Gastgeberin was still fast asleep…so me and esther lay a bit (we do get wasted, you know) and listened on my iPod and talked trash…well…not trash talking…we talked serious stuff…and I was like woah…I didn’t know I could talk so much to a person I was just barely acquainted with…there’s gotta be some chemistry there…

My family came over in the evening for some turkey, log cake, and some bubbly…I told you that kir royale was godly! Hahaha…also tried a French 76, but it somehow came out quite wrong. The idea of fizzy cognac isn’t very appealing. It, however, is really quite drinkable. It just doesn’t agree with me too well. Maybe another 3 more of them will put that into perspective. Hahaha…

I also met most of the class today for steamboat at Marina…hmmm…something is still missing…its like there’s still two halves…the army half and the uni half…its not that we don’t talk to each other, but I guess our worlds are just too different now. Sigh. Sad but it happens huh? Perhaps we’ll have more to talk about in the future…maybe it’ll be even worse pour moi, since I’ll be away in Deutschland…I’ll be like Space Man…hahaha…oh well. Take things as they come…I should really be thankful that so many people showed up. Talk about the power of Shane. Hmmm.

So, to ween, juan, ying hwey, yi hui, shane, lakshmi, shalini, kamil, the doods, ah cheng and mok, thank you for a wonderful evening well spent! Let’s do it again…

Coming back to range…it was…FUCKED UP! Period. I don’t want to say anything more, save that by our night shoot we were just having fun at the range…there was no point in being serious, since there wasn’t anymore marksman to aim for…($1200! Gone up in flames!) it was just a fucking fish market but I LOVED IT! Goodness. Where do you get people firing and then fucking the range and each other between shots? And all of us vindicated ourselves during the night shoot…when people got destroyed, we just walked down range and scored very well indeed! Well, well enough to pass…look at this. We only did 49/90 for the day but we got 90+/180 after the night…means we got about 50 shots at night!

HOW (fucking) AWESOME IS THAT!

Ahem. Clear leave week! Lotsa time to write my 2005 mémoire. Haha…

Sunday, December 25, 2005

All I Want for Christmas

Merry Christmas. Joyeux Noël. Frohe Weihnachten. So it’s the 25th of December today and…what I wish for may be, well, a request. To whoever’s listening upstairs.

mir sind die Hände gebunden, seit 1024 Stunden
ich weiss so komm ich nicht ins Ziel
doch ich weiss auch ich kann es schaffen, wenn Du es willst…

gib mir Kraft in diesen Tagen, für dueses Leben, das ich führ
ich hab unendlich viele Fragen, die ich Dich fragen will
denn ich steh vor deiner Tür…

diese Kriege müssen enden, lass uns Deinen Frieden sehen,
und nimm das Blut von unseren Händen,
lass uns auf deinen neuen Wegen gehn

schenk den Kindern wieder Lachen, so wie es früher war
räch die Armen und die Schwachen
Lass Dich sehn Herr, denn mein Herz weiss Du bist da

verbirg Dein Antlitz nicht vor mir und zeig Dich allen ausnahmslos
denn alles bricht zusammen hier
mein Leid is ohne Dich einfach grenzenlos…

Xavier Naidoo – Wenn Du Es Willst (Mir Sind die Hände Gebunden)

Lost in translation? Part of me doesn’t want to provide you with a translation, but knowing how like 99% of you don’t really understand German, here it is…of course, not as poetic as the German version.

Make that nowhere as poetic. But I’ll try. Hahaha.

my hands have been bound for 1024 hours
I know I’ll never make it as so
but I know I’ll make it, if You wish me to…

give me strength in these days, for the life I lead
I have so many questions to pose to you
so i’m standing at your door…

these wars must end; let us see your peace
take the blood from our hands
and let us start anew

let children know laughter again, as things once were
avenge the poor and the weak
let yourself be seen, Lord; my heart knows you exist

hide your face not from me and show yourself to all, for everything is falling apart
without you, my pain will know no bounds…

Merry Christmas.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Everytime we say goodbye
Something seems to break inside
I'm standing on a hill, in the midst of the clouds
Looking all around you're not to be found

Midnight whispers in a midsummer's dream
Tell me your darkest phantasies
In sleep you call to me
In dreams i came...

A never-ending dream, a dream of you
Wo bist du denn jetzt, wo versteckst du dich?
A place of golden streets, where blind men see
Wartest du da, wartest du auf mich?

What's up with these weird dreams i've been having of you lately? Sigh.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Frohe Weihnachten!

Okay, so it’s still 8 days away. Hell yeah.

But today rynie and yours truly went to catch a movie which well…got me thinking and on the verge of going emo (yet again. Fuck this is about one time too much. Haw.)

Joyeux Noël is a movie which was selected for this year’s Cannes Film Festival and it’s about, well, Christmas. (The title is French for merry Christmas, for the linguistically uninitiated) Some background for you…

December 1914. World War I has just broken out. The fighting is hard, bloody and violent. Yet on Christmas Eve, the machine-guns and rifles gradually fell silent as men and officers alike stood down for the one festival which bound them all together – be they English, Scots, French, or German – Christmas. In fact, many instances of fraternizing were reported along the front, where troops met in no man’s land just to spread the alcohol, food, and most importantly, the cheer. Some localities even saw the forces burying their dead on Christmas day – one last day before war began again.

Of course, there were serious repercussions. The powers that were couldn’t very well shoot hundreds of their junior officers and soldiers for high treason, so they were displaced to another front. As one French lieutenant put it, ‘you don’t understand our war.’

Perhaps during World War I, there was still sense and moralities in civilized people. That was a time before all the megalomania (and Judenhass of WWII) came in, and soldiers remained human. I was touched…indeed, acts which if committed today would probably lead to a summary execution. I guess the world has moved on, although for better or for worse, I do not know. Many times it seems like we’ve moved yet one more step closer to blasting ourselves back to the Stone Age.

I mean, look.

Someone is denying the Holocaust out there and suggesting that the Jewish state move to Alaska. Somewhere out there people are starving to death on tree bark while their government focuses on nuclear weaponry. Someone is trying to gain a foothold into the Middle East by trying to model Iraq to American-style democracy. To all these people, what is humanity?

The value of human life and humanity seems to have been depreciating with the times. Anyway...

To them, people are pawns – weapons to show that they’re the World’s only superpower or to show any particular form of power – absolute, unquestioning military strength. They glorify the armed forces and their business of war – when war is something which deep down, no one really wants (except the megalomaniacs as above, perhaps) and perhaps the sad thing is that individual nations, and the increasing access to things like education (a very important tool for any sovereign state to consolidate its power, may I add) have begun to erode at the common identity of Man. This is going to be complex, but let me explain.

Nations which have access to widespread education have become able to teach…no, indoctrinate into their people since young that this is right and that is wrong; they are the enemy and these are our friends; I guess why such fraternity between the men of World War I was because they were largely workers; farmhands, bakers, and the like. Education never focused on warfare – not that many had access to education in the first place anyway. That’s why what they knew was what their parents taught them – religion, a close sense of companionship, as well as a sense of compassion for others which not many today can claim to possess. What brought them together was the very simple fact that:

They were all soldiers. None of them wanted to be in this war. And it was Christmas, Goddamn it.

To see the effectiveness of mass brainwashing, you should look no further than Hitler, the Nazis, and WWII. His theories of Aryan superiority, Juden-Hass, and the glorification of the Nazi cause led to the fanaticism of his soldiers and the magnitude of his atrocities during WWII. So something is proven: morals can be subverted by indoctrination.

The people on top will never understand what those at the bottom are going through – they just expect them to follow their orders and carry on. They are the ones who will talk to you about the high ideals and all that high-strung bullshit. I doubt that CO understands what most of us 2nd lieutenants are doing. Most of us are just content to shut our traps and avoid trouble as far as possible. And those up there are just content to assume that alles in Ordnung. Everything’s dandy.

All this talk about globalization – do they not realize that in some very core aspects, they’re polarizing the peoples of the world, dividing them along lines of nationalities?

This Christmas, ask yourself:

Where is the love?

Friday, December 16, 2005

The News, in Bits

What a week. Ever looked back and wondered, ‘shit, that was one hell of a week/month/year/lifetime?’ This is one of those times. I can’t believe I’ve spent all fucking 5 days in camp. Talk about no love in the world.

So, the news, in bits:
  1. I hated FIREBALL. It’s the second time in 3 weeks that I haven’t slept for a period of more than 24 hours…so will anyone take up the Subaru Impreza challenge with me? The worst part of it was that the trainees were so fucked up…not to say that they were all fucked up, just the majority…sigh. God help the battalion when they pass out, if there is anyone manning the listening station upstairs.
  2. I hate the RSM too. Oh my fucking goodness. Is there anything wrong with tough training?! I thought that once the trainees passed into any specific phase, that particular battery would be responsible? And, for the record, where the fish were you anyway?! Always arrowing your kah kia to do your dirty work. Don’t think we don’t know. My stand is glass-clear on this: if they do not show us standards, then it’s up to us to give them the standard. If that means them losing a bit of sleep, or having more standbys, jeez, they came out of fucking SISPEC. Let’s not treat them like they just came from BMTC or wherever. On an interesting note, the men had it harder than them. And they’re pissed with their performance. Let’s see where this goes.
  3. I hate the Spec Course too. Especially a certain someone who talks like he doesn’t give a shit to anyone. He definitely doesn’t deserve the chevrons. Especially since he was rude twice after getting his rifle stolen twice too. What a dip-shit. Of course, not everyone is like that…just the vast majority. What the hell.
  4. I cleared SOC! More on that later.
  5. I really need to cut down on the fags.
  6. Congrats to Melvyn, who’s about to be crowned Singapore’s Smartest Boy. Another year, and he’ll be Singapore’s Smartest Man. For getting his early decision to his university accepted. Jeremy khoo and myself had quite a few hoots prodding him about it. Maybe that’s why he passed SOC like 5 seconds ahead of me (see 4.) It must’ve been all that smartness, coupled with the high of getting accepted into university and a can of red bull. Strange the way red bull never gave me wings, anyway. Bah.
  7. I’ve finished reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. So…Book 2, next!

That’s about it. The rest is a blur, I think…or things I’d rather not talk about. Y’know…governmental secrecy and all that shite. I mean, of course I can tell you, but then I’d have to kill you, so well.

Aren’t you a fan of ice-cold beer?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Creed - Lullaby

Hush, my love, now don't you cry
Everything will be alright
Close your eyes and drift in dream
Will rest in peaceful sleep...

If there's one thing i hope i showed you
If there's one thing i hope i showed you
Hope i showed you...
Just give love to all...

Oh, my love in my arms tight
Every day you bring me light
As i drift off to your world
Will rest in peaceful sleep...

I know there's one thing that you showed me
I know there's one thing that you showed me
That you showed me
Just give love to all...

Let's give love to all...

good night, world.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Going Emo

My family isn't in town. What a ghost town this place is totally. Especially at night, when everyone turns in and its just so, so quiet. These photos were taken at 7 p.m.

I mean, just check it out. You don't need rocket science to figure out how quiet it is here. I was just thinking that this would be a great opening for an ultimately long piece which should be beneficial to all of you. This weekend has been a great opportunity for me to think. And i find myself getting emotional at all the wrong times. I mean, you can all go ahead and think i'm some wimp for getting emo. But what the fuck, i don't care. So, apart from fresh air, running, alcohol and nicotine (which i haven't been having a lot of), i've been really doing a lot of soul-searching. About where i am now. And most importantly, about those around me.

It's so true that friends make the person, isn't it? I never recalled having true friends (except for a special someone), but just having people to hang around with in secondary school, until i entered JC. There, i was blessed with a great class who brought sunshine and laughter to me, who taught me to laugh again, as well as a very close-knit group of LEPers with whom we bitched, laughed, and plotted our revenge against the tyrant. Add to that a huge group of friends in OAC. JC days were simply the best. There, i made 3 close buddies. And a group of dudes who i don't normally see these days. Also a wonderful girl named kah yee, but that's another story...add to that equation lots of girls, and the rest is more or less history.

Then came the Army. I wasn't that loud as i was in JC, but i still made good friends, nonetheless. People whom you could trust your life with. People who sweated with you, crawled in the mud with you, dug fire trenches with you, deployed with you, cursed at charlie hotel when cleaning out bunks and who climbed up and down a mountain with you. People who threw their peak caps with you on that parade square. Delta Wing, Platoon 3. 33rd BTACC. People who i may not see always in the future, but whom i know i can always count on. People like melvyn (thanks for all the midnight trash-talking, i suppose) or chowster (are we gonna die?) But then i noticed something else. I slowly began to grow apart from some of my friends. Times when we had lots to talk about just became fond memories.

Of course, i still had my brothers by my side, people who would sit down and talk you through life's ups and downs (preferably over a glass of
cognac but still.) I really wonder if whenever they said that 'but we're still close friends...' they felt fake and hypocritical. I wonder if their saying it is just a formality not to make us feel so rotten. But its true that i grew closer to my guy friends - zhicheng, horz (as if we weren't close enough friends in JC - haw) and especially reuben and kelvin. You two maggots. Hahaha. How we talked about women, drinks, life, and all our ideals, all over a good dose of alcohol. I grew close to a girl who i took to my comms ball - only to have it fall flat. Nonetheless, i would rather have her here than anywhere else. I also grew much closer to a friend who i've had since 2000 - 5 years already and we're still in touch - amazing, isn't it? She once told me that a song that reminded her of us was Photograph by Nickelback (if you dunno what song it is, go and download it) and when i read it i was like - Wow. I was already going emo and all this shit already...and it kinda led me to think about all the friends i've made, and all whom i've left behind, all whom i've gotten over, and all who left us behind.

Class 95
after 2 a.m. plays songs which really fit into this category...songs which grab you by the collar and drag you down memory lane. Sigh. I also discovered that i've been really shallow in JC - having like 10,000 friends kinda leaves things like that, because you've got a choice about who you want and who you don't. But now, when you finally discover that you are just all by your fucking self, those who will be the only constant in a life full of flux soon become clear. But it's not true that i don't cherish everyone whom i've become acquainted with. We're all just characters at some point of time on this huge theatre play known as life (i mean, it lasts an average of 80 years these days) and no matter how small your role was, it was still vital to the entire play. You may never know it until the day the curtain finally falls. People like...

ah cheng. Always kena makan by us. Poor dude...

All the sluts in 24 SA with me. As you can see, they spent most of their time sleeping.

Delta Wing, Platoon 3.

Team BATTLEKING, Thailand, September 2005.

02s26. Where've all of you gone to?

samantha. Ich komme gleich nach Deutschland, jie!

emelyne. 5 years and counting...it was about 75% of your putting up with my nonsense that we've grown yet closer. That's 3 years and 9 months, for the record.

kah yee. Like the everclear song goes...with the lights of the city around you, those brown streaks look so pretty in your dark hair...

The mafia. No...the LEPers, actually.

Sigh. Feel another emo wave coming up...*grabs for the nearest ice-cold Heineken*