Das Wetter da draussen ist absolut herrlich. Mir aber könnte es ein Gewitter sein.
Sigh...this week has done nothing but show me some very important, but often overlooked facts. Let's start with....
Lehre 1: Leaders can fail.
Make no doubt about it. With boss implementing that shitty 5 BX over again, with it coming into effect the past Monday, yours truly returned to camp on Sunday (a first!) so that i could supervise the conduct of the morning exercise, as per boss's intentions. Monday went by okay with a minor hiccup (Unten wird's erklärt) but the real thing came on Wednesday...on Tuesday night, that maggot S1 was the DSO and decided to turn out the whole fucking battalion, because some maggots were caught not sleeping after 2359. The specs came and asked if there was still 5 BX the next morning, to which i replied...
'ya lah!' Without a thought. Not at all.
Eventually, though, i called boss and he said to carry on as well...so by now the specs who were mostly already sucking thumb just went back to their bunks pissed. Here's the hammer. Are you ready?
I fucking overslept the next morning!
Fuck. Feel like such a mofo. I'll bet you that the specs do. Tongues will wag and people will talk...obviously, people will compare...and i myself felt like such a failure. Failed to lead by example. Failed to protect my subordinates (maybe i could've fought harder? Nah. who's gonna buy that now, when it's over and done with?) Failed to do something with them, which, although unpopular, had to be done nonetheless. Failed. And FUCKING FAILED!
Sigh. I should turn in my bars. I wonder how much this has affected them, and i wonder what it'll take to win back what's lost. Really in quite a fix now. And the worst part is, i believed that i should be going for every 5 BX because well, it wakes you up - and yet i went against my belief and overslept. Didn't even hear the fucking alarm. Jeez! What a way to go.
So i made up my mind - i'll go for as many as i can when i'm off-duty, and not to miss any of my duty days. I was almost skinned alive by boss...owned up immediately, though, not like some maggot which would try to talk his way out. Luckily he's already gone.
And now.
Lehre 2: Was man sieht, worüber diskutiert wird, ist nur oberflächlich...
The specs didn't turn up for Monday's 5 BX, even though boss was DSO...as kuek put it, got to test the system...despite the warnings, boss really came down and decided to turn out the specs, despite neo and i trying to cover up for them. Someone asked if i stabbed them in their backs.
Let me make this clear. I did not, and i fucking will not! I'm not into selling people out, in case you smell a rat anyplace. Leaders tend to overlook these facts because they just believe that everything is dandy, like it always has been...habit breeds arrogance, and arrogance is the key to the fall of many a leader. These are the finer parts of being a leader, things which are important but which leaders themselves fail to see. You have to gauge the reaction of your subordinates to your every action, and then act accordingly. Perhaps i should be glad that these mishaps have this habit of coming by once in a while...acting as this reminder for me what it means to lead.
Just came back from what has got to be the worst DOO i've had in ages. Was already up at 0500 because of this dumb dream where i went on DOO and everything just went haywiring around the shop...then went down for 5 BX with everyone and melvyn. I didn't go back to sleep after that, though, opting for a shower and then going to take over the DOO duty...but i was just so fucking tired...can you believe that i actually fell asleep at around 2100 and had to be woken by my Ops TA so that i could go and conduct the staff parade for the guards? Add that to the fact that i've been facing emptiness and the repercussions of what i did on Wednesday...yes, if you all are reading this...i do feel bad.
This void. Whatever can i do against it? Who will come to fill the hole? I can't simply get another person to fill the hole...because then there'll be another hole to fill if things fall through. Not that i'm looking...Sigh. 6 days and 5 nights like this. And finally, i'm home...
What a Great Big Fuck Up! Jeez. It's all over now.
Initial D is good. But jay chou can't act for peanuts. Haha...his range of expressions is too limited...but you'll like it. If you like cars. Or if you're a jay groupie.
posted by quatscherei @ 15:10
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