Rebel Heart..?
At this point of time, I wonder why I didn’t arrow myself to be the Admin Party for THUNDER WARRIOR. I’d still be at Waiouru, going to Hot Shots (that’s the canteen there,) enjoying the cold, dry weather, and basically whiling the hours away with Ralph, Playboy, Penthouse, FHM and other assorted magazines, accompanied by doing what I want to do, when I want to do…I doubt there’ll be anything like post-exercise PMCS…so yeah. I’d at least have time to myself. Some peace and quiet…Some of you may question why I’d rather be alone in NZ when I could be home collecting money for the lunar New Year. It’s just a negative experience, but it’s one I expect to face many times when I bring up my not wanting to take up any scholarship (and yes, I will be forking out the 3k fine…)
It seems that during reunion dinner just now that somehow the topic of my not wanting to take up a scholarship surfaced. And it seemed like everyone thinks it’s foolish, dumb, and it’ll cost me the heartache of 3000 bucks. Sigh. It’s not that I can’t take advice, but when most of the advice comes from the ‘I’ve seen more years than you, yadda yadda yadda,’ line, it kinda tunes me out immediately.
I guess I’m biased too…of course, you’d be biased to whatever side your stand is…
I may sound like a rebel but I want to live my own life, learn from my own mistakes and learn to live my choices to the fullest…so far it’s been so good…and I want to keep life like that. I feel like I have loads of time to make all my decisions, but yet I feel hard-pressed and out of time…sigh. It feels like I’m trapped in limbo.
I hate myself for being kiasu. Taking all 3 scholarships’ preliminary offers because I wanted to leave myself a choice at the end. It all seemed so simple then. Look where I am now. Stuck in a quagmire. If only I knew. Only if i…
Sigh. But it was nice catching up with reuben (now the other Singaporean one)…he has big plans! And of course I can’t let all of you in on it…
Happy lunar New Year, all. Have a blessed year of the Dog…
posted by quatscherei @ 23:22
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home