Hallo ihr alle da draussen...with what's happening this week...i think officers are commissioned to do nothing but office work. (hence, officers...) But it's really quite dumb because...suddenly, i actually miss grabbing my trusty M16, SBO and helmet and just go outfield. Sigh. I actually miss cadet time. To be able to go outfield and just deploy my radar. I guess that time will be coming soon...when the trade course begins with those new boys from BMT...fresh blood, huh? If not...we've just been doing nothing but office admin this week...my pen has been much more well-used than my entire cadet phase...anyway...i've been working on an injury report...and well...there's a lot more to officership than it seemed to us poor cadets. Having to call a man back to camp even though he was on post-op leave, just so that i could interview him. Actually, i'm quite (or let's say, very) informal now with the men because they're all going to ORD in June...so...they're way more senior than me...And some of them even trained us during BTACC...so...i talk a lot of cock with them...i suppose it's good to bond with them...although i wonder if it's too much, as melvyn told me...but oh well, lassen wir das...
Anyway...congratulations, yuru! Haha...it's really good that all worked out with your Queen of Hearts...Even jun agrees that you two match...win her over, King of Hearts...just hope someone doesn't trump it away...ok ok relak...but...jiayou wor...
Me? Sometimes i am bewildered by how confused i feel after i'm out with her. All's dandy when she's around, when she talks, smiles, frowns or closes her eyes to grab that little rest...after that? Confusion. About the signals she sends me, about what i feel...I can't tell if she likes me deep down and is just hiding it, if she just pities me as someone without a social circle outside of reuben and kelvin, if she just sees me as a misguided friend, if her '6th sense' really is accurate, if this is going to go anywhere at all, if i should grab her hand, if i will ever see her free, if she will ever trust herself to trust me, if i will ever be worthy of that trust, if i will ever be able to bring her away from the blinding lights of the city and show her the stars, if she will ever appreciate how she's made me a better person, if i will ever be like her and show such pure unrequited concern for friends and those around her, if, if, if...
So many 'what if?"s...i will walk down this road til the end, even if the end is could be anything from a brick wall to a stinking morass to a brilliant rainbow of colour.
posted by quatscherei @ 00:38
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