Hallo ihr alle da draussen...this week has finally proven that junior officers, especially 2nd Lieutenants, are grossly overworked and way underpaid. Well, if not in other places, at least in 24th Battalion, Singapore Artillery. Goodness. After today, i feel like i either need a pay raise or an earlier ORD...
The whole NDP static display shenanigan, with patrick and CO breathing down my bloody neck, hasn't made things better. Isn't it a huge joke? National Day Parade is supposed to make the public proud of the armed forces, but it makes those involved in it lose pride. It's not to say that i'm totally anti-NDP: i understand the need for such activities, but i don't feel motivated to do it. Sigh. Instead, i'm the one who's doing all the bitching about how understaffed this battalion is and all. I should just shut my trap and do it - but i don't know why i just fucking can't. Maybe it's because i'm just kingston's replacement but now it seems that i've become this integral part of the display that irks me.
Suddenly, i've become this fucking superhero running the biggest display item for Artillery formation. And i don't like it. Patrick probably thinks i'm an asshole who doesn't give a fuck...but hey, i do. If i didn't, i wouldn't even bother turning up. i know the work pace is slow. Things don't get done fast enough. You believe i should be arrowing people to do work and instead play a supervisory role.
Sorry, sir, no can't do. I believe in doing what my commanders and men are doing. Standing around and pointing at things isn't going to get anything done. And well, there are people who are being sidewalk superintendents already...or as mel puts it, WALI-ing (Walking Around Looking Important...) I believe that the command prescence can be kept intact because firstly, my commanders already know what they're doing. And i have come to count on them. Maybe you'll count on me.
On tuesday, i treated some of the specs to yong tau foo...a treat which is long due, i figure, given the sacrifices they've had to make of late. People who are on guard duty have to swap duties early so they can go and help out without even any guard rest. Once this is over, sir, best to give everyone a treat. They've earned it.
I was DOO for the last 2 days as well...wednesday was peaceful enough, but the real hammer came on thursday. One of my men lost a fingertip cease-firing a TPQ-36 ATG in the Xenon Garage. I was the DOO, and when my handphone rang that morning...i knew that my DOO stint was just too good to be true...
I accompanied him to the medical centre where has was readied to go to hospital...and all i could do was to keep him talking, taking his mind off the incident, and assuring him that he was in good hands. It was a good thing that i notified the Ops Room beforehand, so they did all the calling and i was barely out of the medical centre when CO called me, demanding a sitrep. Perhaps it was a good thing that he wasn't bawling and howling in pain...the adrenaline rush after such trauma deadens it (that's why soldiers continue to run even if they've been shot) and he was surprisingly calm. As little kuek puts it...
'Aiyah! Told you he pak buay toh one lah...'
Much as i wanted to go to the hospital with him, i couldn't...what more could i do? Calm and assure him as best as i could. i don't know what more i could've done to help him. Next, the entire Xenon Garage came under lockdown...especially the system involved to facilitate initial investigations.
I guess i was lucky in that all the right people were there. Although S1 was nowhere to be found, people volunteered to go down. I didn't end up having to arrow some warrant officer or senior specialist to go down, leaving derek and i free enough to go and conduct our initial investigations.
I will never forget what i saw. Never.
A severed fingertip on the floor. Blood spatters. I could already see the story unfolding in my mind. Sigh. All this emphasis on safety...all the punishment they took during deployment drill...it's all come to nought. Was that arrogance i saw in their everyday work? You do the same tasks every single fucking day and you assume nothing's gonna happen til the day something does happen. Then you get fucking scared shitless and pray it never happens to you. Is our trust misplaced?
I have to talk to the VM involved. It's not his fault, even if he feels horribly guilty over it. I guess it was just a freak accident. Derek reached the same conclusion. Sigh. The poor maggot. That night, during last parade, i told the cadets about this. They deserve to know. They'll soon be given the right to lead; and soon everything will rest upon their shoulders.
This week has grabbed my perception of leadership by the balls and given it a hard wrench. Leadership isn't just about insipring your people. It's not just about making them better people. It's not about making damn sure your men know every rationale behind what you do. Command is given for a reason. Command is about knowing the right choice and doing it, no matter how difficult it is. Command is about making damn sure that your subordinates know what's an order and that they follow it especially in emergencies. Questioning can come later. And lastly, command is about making your men know that their efforts are appreciated. Only so will they go the extra mile for you. Only so. Command is involving yourself at every level. Do what your men do, they said in OCS. How true this has turned out to be.
As of now, he's already undergone reconstructive surgery. He'll be on the mend. The aftermath can wait.
posted by quatscherei @ 22:28
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