2 more papers today; (sweet freedom)? i must say that maths was easy again...despite the (widespread) fears that maths 2 would screw us cuz maths 1 was easy...in the end? I was sleeping by 9:30. 1 hour and 40 minutes. if anything, i finished this faster than paper 1....hopefully i'll A the subject...then that's at least 1 down. it's over.
Bio was bad. really bad. the topics which i was most confident for didn't come out. No. nichts. zilch. nothing at all. i was forced to do DNA and cell structures - At least i could do DNA...xian a bit lor. then Cell structure qn was like. throwing smoke.....i donno. currently as i speak i am mentally drained and feeling totally insecure. Especially about GP and Bio. I am terrified of the consequences. I like to think it's no fault of mine but yet it is...it's my life for me to live - surely i have to bear the consequences? perhaps i will end up in some shit-hole doing the worst job anyone can imagine. perhaps that is the flaw in our system - poor results = no future. perhaps that's why if i get shit grades and can't go anywhere here i'll migrate to somewhere like germany. and i will strive. strive hard. to achieve. but by then i'm not a singaporean anymore.
Did anyone say something about loss of local talent? It is hardly surprising here, given how rigid things are and how the Singaporean mindset is. Waere es etwa lockerer! Es ist nicht zu sagen dass es keine Chancen gibt, aber wie viele Beispiele hat man schon gesehen? Nur eins. Am schlimmsten haue ich von diesem Land ab. Ich werde euch alle vermissen aber was kann ich denn tun? man soll sagen, c'est la'vie...so ist es mit dem Leben...
I have become totally jaded and tired of the system here. i just don't know why. i really don't know. i'm lost, floundering in a freezing ocean in the middle of a thunderstorm. and behind my cheerful facade lies the insecurity, the blind panic, just waiting to be unleashed upon my psyche. And upon others. I tend to blow up sometimes...perhaps i really AM that good disguising my emotions. But when it all comes out, i'm terribly sharp and cutting. I'm sorry. So sorry....
I'm very tired. Yet as the Sun rises tomorrow i will rise again to cram more information in my head. A cornered animal will put up a most spirited fight to the very bitter end. Am i cornered? trapped? Will the fat lady sing?
posted by quatscherei @ 22:56
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home