Hallo ihr alle da draussen...heute bin ich erschöpft...i can't believe that i slept and slept and slept today...like a bloody swine...maybe it's because i slept at 0300 yesterday...don't tell my parents! Woke up at 0900 to go for breakfast...why do i agree to such things when i'm dead tired? Goodness. Haha sometimes i scare myself. Despite loading myself with caffeine, i still went back and concussed. Woke up again to go get my provisional driving licence done...then i went home, had lunch, went shopping for groceries (bought myself some sweet Vermouth!) then went home, surfed idly for awhile and then concussed again...this time good for like 2 hours...i totally missed like two-thirds of Laith Al-Deen's Live in Köln concert...but it was a slumber with strange, vivid dreams, but dreams which still remain beyond my grasp. Then i woke up at dusk...to a greying sky...and i decided to put on the concert again, listening to songs like 1000 Tage, Noch Lange Nicht Genug, Jedesmal...and much more...as i went for a long, hot shower...it's quite therapeutic to stand under a hot shower and let the music flow over you...
Read ween's blog...last night was magical...i'll give you that...it really was. It was a different kind of warmth, something which i didn't have to express to feel...something which was invisible, yet i was swimming in it...and she's right. Some things haven't changed. We're still JC classmates, if only for that 4 hours...ween asked if i was sian...why should i be? But i'm quite surprised that in her eyes, i haven't changed. Maybe because i was trying to get infected by the atmosphere, to be all loud and lame like the past. But...it's not the same anymore. Things aren't the same anymore. Maybe i'm still loud...but for people like me...you simply have to be loud...and yes...we were talking about the army...which the ladies would have nothing of...and mister Lai too...
Gatherings are like time machines...time seems to run backwards because for once, for just that once, we've all become what we were 2 years ago...friends. People who i'd never talked with really until circumstances brought us together. And reading her blog showed how much we cared for each other as simple friends...well maybe not simple...but...as people who do care and feel for each other...how ween was so touched by a simple gesture that lai made, just by standing there making sure she'd get home absolutely unharmed...Sigh and for me...small talk with ah cheng on the bus was basically...one-sided but still...just us talking was different than the past...for reasons i cannot fathom...
Félicitations...?
This is for a certain someone...i honestly hope you'll be happy...after everything we've gone through, after all the hell i put you through...i really really hope that now you will be happier with him...happier than i ever could make you happy...Of course, i'm asking myself 'Why?' but...as a saying goes, 'die Zeit heilt alle Wunden...' so lass ich es. Be happy for all that you've got...and i will be happy for you.
As for yours truly...i don't know. I've been feeling simply empty for quite long. Maybe because i figured that it'd be a lost cause and that my naivéte was leading me the wrong way...maybe it's been the mountains of work looming over me...so many 'maybes' but i guess all of them, big or small, played a small part. I felt you slipping away...it's kinda scary, holding on to something which you know won't last...and i guess i saw the end...so the question now is...was nun? I don't know - bury myself in work again? Not that it'll be hard - those maggots are already wearing thin my endurance and yes...i still have much to conduct for them yet...TPQ-36 deployment drill and FIREBALL notwithstanding...and i may be sent to CRESCENDO for 3 months on exercise (i got arrowed as the Admin OIC for all 3! 23 SA FATEP, EX ROLLING THUNDER, and EX BATTLE KING!) and at first i felt...sian...i don't mind going for all 3 but 3 months overseas? That'd be nuts...what's more i'll miss my opportunity at buying alcohol...now i can only buy once instead of twice or thrice, you catch my drift?
But now? Now it seems that it may be just the right thing. A rest cure from all this shite which is happening in my world. All of a sudden i've become this solo knight...my blog says Coeur de Lion...a lionheart in the face of adversity...but...even the spirit can dim...even the greatest of giants can bow down...perhaps i have to go away. To leave all this. For 3 months of a simple life, maybe not so with all the admin, but a simpler life. Sans all the complexities of life in Singapore with my friends. Sans all the complexities of the fairer sex. For 3 months of fresh air. For 3 months of Thai hospitality. For 3 months of the great outdoors. For 3 months of deliverance.
I will gladly go. To mend the chinks in my armour, to mend the rents of my soul...
Sie Sieht Mich Nicht
This Knight has travelled far, his breeches soiled
His eyes are tired, speaking of endless toil
His armour is torn, his chainmail broken
His pennant, his pride, lying in tatters...
Er hatte hungrige Augen
Doch zu sehen kann er jetzt nicht mehr
Liebe ist überall zu empfangen
Doch wollte er diese Welt verlassen...
He keels over now, his soul a blank
As light faded, so his soul sank
In the corner of his eye - a mirage, perhaps -
A women dressed in the shades of light...
Her golden tresses fall freely...
Er öffnet plötzlich die Augen
Now thunder comes to his life...
Warum sollte er denn nicht lachen?
She was his hope, his cure, his salvation
The most wondrous being of all Creation
Reaching out a mailed fist, he called to her
But ringing echoes were all there was to hear...
Sie geht ihm langsam vorbei...
A brilliant starburst of light
He is dazzled, he calls out once again
Aber sie hört ihn einfach nicht...
'Weiter zu kämpfen kann ich schon nicht
Wenn ich vor ihr niederknie
Ich hab mich offen gelassen
Doch sieht sie mich einfach nicht...'
Light fades, replaced by reality
She brought thunder to his life
That very same thunder will take him away
His heart split by an invisible knife
'So lass mich hier jetzt verlassen
So bereite ich mich jetzt, lang abzureisen...'
And so he departs, to lands unknown
One day his story will be known
It is, for him, a simple cure
The only way of easing his pain...
Und um zu trösten sagen Freunde, mit der Zeit vergisst man
Man vergisst die Stimme, das Lachen, die genaue Farbe der Haare und Augen
Doch genau das will man nicht, nichts will man vergessen
Denn das Wichtigste passiert immer nebenbei...
And now a translation...from top to bottom of course...
He had hungry eyes
But now they see no more
Love is everywhere
But depart this world he had...
Her golden tresses fell freely
And he suddenly opens his eyes
Now thunder comes to his life
And why should he not laugh?
...
She passes him slowly...
A brilliant starburst of light
He is dazzled, he calls out once again
But she does not hear him...
'I can fight no longer
When i kneel before her
I have left myself totally open
But she sees me not...'
...
'So let me leave this place right now...'
...
Friends often say as consolation that one forgets with time
One forgets her voice, her laughter, the colours of her hair and eyes
But that is exactly what is unforgettable - one will never forget that
Because what's important happens always so, so nearby...'
And i don't care if it doesn't rhyme here because it's supposed to be read in German anyway. Sigh. So empty. Just so empty.
posted by quatscherei @ 21:40
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home