Well, this exercise is sure one tough mother. It ain't over yet. Takeaways are simple, i figure...for leadership, i guess.
Although i am ranting at the powers that be, i do understand that there may be unhappiness below too and i really really hope that they approach me to redress their wrongs. You see, there's nothing much i can do...i certainly cannot simply take them out of this exercise at all...and the realisation that someone actually volunteered us to do HQ's job...well, that's about it for me.
I wonder what i will be doing in ten years' time. Already i'm being exposed to the world of career sluts and slaves. People who are willing, for fear of their careers and to score brownie points, to sacrifice their subordinates' welfare. People who are only worried about when they will climb up one more rung, while turning a blind eye to what rages beneath?
Please. I thought command entailed much much more than that.
Isn't it true? The higher your rank, the dumber you get...as long as you wear bars upon your shoulders, you are in the intelligent zone...Choc bars are good for you, innit? But once you wear crabs, things change. One enters the stupid zone...as normally demonstrated by unrealistic demands, the pursuit of ideals, and those once upon a time... stories. Wells. Crabs don't have very big brains, i suppose. But wait! It gets better! Once you wear stars...you become brainless...well...since when did starfish have brains?
I'm half-expecting a crack team of commandoes to crash into my window and take me into custody where i will be brutally raped and have my CDs flushed down the toilet bowl as an insult. Fucks lah. Who cares?
Sometimes i worry for SAF scholars. How much ground-level command will they be exposed to? Certainly nowhere near your average 2LT or LTA...let's see. They come back as a project officer during their holidays, but when they graduate they are probably already second-grade LTAs...a short while more before they get their third bar...and all along, they've been groomed to think that the SAF is a well-oiled machine. Far from it, my scholarly friends. Far from it. Soon, the ideals vanish and it becomes just another career. There you are trying to carry balls so that you will promote or upgrade faster while your junior commanders fight like crazy to get the work you promised the powers that be done properly so that they can get some benefits from you. What self-motivation? It's all about serving your boss properly before he summons you to his office and threatens to hang you. So you better buck up and make it perfect, soldier!
What do they do as project occifers? I don't know. Learning the tricks of the trade? Or just covering DOO duties and WALI-ing all day? I don't know - maybe one of you would fancy to educate me, sir?
I am tired. My NCOs and men are tired. In a rare repeat of what 33rd BTACC did (as a favour which went unrepaid, for your information, maggots) eight 2LTs stayed up and slaved away until 0200 cutting styrofoam, cardboard, laminating posters, all because a certain Big Fuck (c.B.F.) suggested that the colouring was a tad gay (what do you expect?! Fucking metallic red! JEEZ!) while they had to be up at 0600 the next morning to go down for a display for yet another c.B.F. at 1500?! Men and NCOs performing Guard Duty without any guard rest and off they go again. And all i can do is watch, feel guilty, try to do something, and then feel guilty again. Especially when kuek & Co. came down for absolutely nothing. Especially when all i can do is to give them half a day off or maybe an extended nights out? Especially when i get fucked through the phone at 0605 hours when i myself try not to raise my voice at the men and have to steel myself never to shout at an NCO in front of the men? Especially when the battery lines are drawn so thin that the offices are virtually void of officers, NCOs and men?! Do thest c.B.F.s really believe that they can just draw on our manpower at will just because our bosses are away on exercise? What about the work which has to be done? What about the maggots? Who will teach them the trade? For at least 3 days every week for the past 2 weeks, TA Bty has been without any officers at all, and i am proud to say it and will shout it fucking out loud from the rooftop if i have to:
It's not because we can't control the battery. It's not because mel and i don't regulate each other. It's simple because we cannot do anything about it!
I desperately want to believe in what i'm doing. But it's slipping away. Sorry? Maybe. Just too bad. Make the nation proud of us? What's the point when one is not even proud of himself?
Hang tough, gentlemen. 15 days to go!
For john, danny, TA specs and men, galvin, reuben, SSG Andrew and his merry crew of signallers, nishant and dudes (i'll get your pictures up soon, maggots)...
posted by quatscherei @ 23:25
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