Sunday, November 27, 2005

Von Alpha an bis zum Omega

There's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you 
And girl you're starting to criticize little things I do 
Ooh, it makes me just feel like crying (baby)
'Cause baby something beautiful's dying…

-You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feeling

Something beautiful happened 5 years ago.

Alpha.

Boy meets girl. Boy secretly falls for girl. Girl falls for boy. None speaks up. Both confess some time later. Both agree not to go that way due to various factors. Both become close friends despite the age difference. Both thought they knew each other, but they barely ever did. Both see each other about twice a year. Boy is constantly worried that he’ll lose girl. Boy has lost temper on numerous occasions, frustrated at the way things are going. Girl grits her teeth and takes it. Boy feels like an animal later and apologises, but can’t shake the feeling that she’s going. Even up to now.

What do I do? She treats me like I was made of glass. I shouldn’t blame her and I’m not gonna…perhaps I should blame myself? Blame the circumstances which we find ourselves in? Blame the fact that we’re in two wholly different Universes? Blame the fact that I cuss, smoke, drink and she’s only sixteen, fresh from school and all the dreams of youth? Blame the fact that I’ve failed to live up to all her expectations? Blame Destiny for throwing us such a wicked twist of fate?

Or should I blame the feelings I hide inside me? It’s not that I am still going to want to make her mine, but to blame the very first time I fell for her. Is that why I am still hanging on a prayer, hoping for miracles to occur?

If only I could, I’d be her shield, her advisor, her best friend, her brother, someone who’d be there. How many times I said it – and how many times it fell through? Time and time again. Because none of us could spare the time. Ultimately, I felt that I should just give her her space.

But she’s slipping away again. Why? Why?

A shout, raised to the heavens, was met by silence. Only the glimmering of the stars could ever be a sign.

But just as every chapter has its beginning, so it must end…

Omega?

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