So here i am back again...da bin ich's wieder...just went out to meet Reuben for lunch and some talk cock (Alpha-Sierra-Tango 57/04 OCC briefing, more like) and then to the library to carry on with Simone Weil's Gravity and Grace and then going to watch The Terminal. Amazing, how 4 weeks have passed and how next week's payday. Haven't blown my allowance yet, so i guess things are looking quite rosy =) for now that is but yeah...have to start budgeting if not i'll be horribly poor and become unable to finance my Depth Charge/Red Alert Plus/X Factor + 2-ball bag, comms ball, No.1 uniform and much much more.
Also paying for some CD's i'm ordering from germany. Luckily i'm sending them to Sam first...weil bei ihr ist es doch kostenlose Lieferung! haha...i-so-smart.
Anyway. Carrying on with where my words failed me. I can't find the words to tell you. I want to tell you that i've gotten over it, but maybe i haven't really. I do however have come to terms with it and am dealing with it. I'm sorry, but i can't carry on with you like this. Ohne dich klappt nichts, that's how important you really are to me, because you listen without judging and are always ready to give advice. Sometimes i just feel that you're not leading the life you want to lead. You wish to fly. I wish that you could too...but welcome to the real world, i guess...I just want you to be happy, and with things now, i hope you truly are. I know that my world is now more or less a dystopia. If not for my friends, i would probably have been trapped in limbo...
I really donno what to write to you. Seriously. I have no material to begin with, apart from letters i keep missing to bring home...perhaps i shall find them in my Commander's bag one day, all yellowed and faded...reminders of days long past? Because you are to me more than just simple words. Was Du zu wissen brauchst ist aber, dass ich bei dir bin! Jetzt, hier, immer. Glaub an mir...Okay? If you feel you've made a mistake, don't waste time thinking it out or reasoning with yourself whether it's right or not, because in the end nothing gets done. Sad but true. But then, i can tell you what to do, but...ce n'est ma vie pas, coquine...Comprends? All i can wish you is good luck, i guess.
Sigh.
Then again hearing how everyone is complaining about how a bitch life is...i can just ask one question...pourquoi? When everyone is just so dissatisfied with their lives, when everyone is just so jaded...Could we just make time for each other to sit down and catch up with each other? Could we just know consciously that someone is there for you no matter how desperate things become? Can we bring about un saison de bon temps? How dystopic things simply are! When everyone's leading their own lives, becoming so so busy that they neglect everyone around them...and yet they feel the loneliness and the emptiness within.
What i believe in is that it's your lives so please, live it like you will. Happiness is for you to find...i can be perfectly happy sitting in a library thinking about what Simone Weil tells me in her diary. I can be happy watching the world go by. Sometimes i wish time would freeze, like this afternoon...i was waiting for the bus, listening to Never-Ending Story by Within Temptation...the roads were totally empty. I wish i could keep that moment forever. The warm tropical breeze, trees swaying mildly in the breeze, azure blue skies with a glowing gemstone set in the middle of the cool blue, absolute silence.
I wish i could keep that.
Coming to poor German...i've been reading Am kürzeren Ende der Sonnenallee - a coming-of-age story behind the Iron Curtain...genauer gesagt, hinter der Mauer...a love story, a life story all in one. Ferpect, but i understood only the gist. All the little things i couldn't get it. My German is really rotting away now. I can still speak it, I still understand what Laith Al-Deen tells me in his songs, i still understand that es gibt ein 10-Kilometer Stau zwischen ... und ..., but in the book? I only understand this much. About 80%, i still get most of it, but i'm quite disappointed at how bad my German has become. Versuch noch, die Hand vom Wörterbuch wegzuhalten...So, darlings, please wish me luck.
I will go to the Goethe-Institut after commissioning and patch up my leaky German. And learn French, too. Doppel-Sprache, Doppel-Scheiss?
posted by quatscherei @ 13:01
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home