Hallo ihr alle da draussen...sigh...i think i'm hitting another emotional trough again these days...surprise, surprise, i'm not that all-powerful and confident anymore, am i? I don't know what i've been up to these days too. Seems like i'm receding back into a shell. Sure, i still play bridge like crazy with the guys, we still talk at night about cock and still play pool at the Officers' Mess, we still like to disturb others about the girls they like, but...even though only 2 days have passed i feel myself kinda drifting away from the guys...yesterday, when they all disappeared to play badminton, i engrossed myself in my BDO duties (closing the armskote, etc) and well...when i came up, the office was totally empty. Talk about disappearing mysteriously. Okay...i won't point fingers...i mean...i'm guilty of it too even if i've been coming up pretty late these days...wells...it's simply because well...it's office hours...and...i can actually click with those dudes downstairs...making the boring work day just a tad more perky...well...the work day is actually much, much more than just talk cock, sing song...the laughter is just a bonus...or...während der Arbeit nicht aber vergessen, Spass gleichzeitig zu haben?
Anyway, i just discovered something nice. My boss isn't a slavedriver as i thought he was...although he awarded me 01 x work today because i was caught stoning in the office...ahaha...but...as he explained, you just got to give work to keep the men on their toes...i mean...the specs and men have daily maintenance tasks to carry out so...admin work is probably what keeps us officers...ticking? But that's besides the point. Although i showed him a sian look with that almost undetected hint of resignation, but deep down i was actually glad that i had some work to do. It surely beats the monotony of life without much purpose...and i must admit that i'm not that good at acting busy...or being really occupied, whichever the case may be...i shall have to polish up though when the 2I/C comes back. He's the next boss when this one goes off, and i heard that this is one mean badass. Sigh...
Oh...i'm going to BATTLE KING again! Back to CRESCENDO (although i really really want STARLIGHT...)
Today, it hit me. It seems that these days i exist sometimes only to injure or hurt people. Like how i poured everything out at poor Sam jie, or how i put even more stress on her by acting on impulse, even knowing that i very well shouldn't have, or how sometimes i really take people for granted, or how when i probe and probe and probe and reopen old wounds...sigh...sometimes i wish that i either never did all this, or that i hadn't a conscience to regret all this, or that my memory was so poor/immoral so as not to register all this. What am i doing to myself? What am i doing to others? Sigh...i will hurt and hurt and hurt again...egal, ob es mit Absicht oder aus Versehen getan worden ist...
Shat, what am i DOING?!
Anyway, I checked back at the NJC webbie and i came across this international movement (oder vielleicht soll ich sagen, Deutschlandweit) known as Projekt Tagesbilder...the aim of it is that...one records little things, little, insignificant things which one perceives each day, and through this, and through similiar daily records all over the world, build bridges and roads between different cultures...
It's a little like what Laith Al-Deen once sung in the song Kleine Helden:
'Denn heute sind wir wie kleine Helden
Und öffnen die Tür zu neuen Welten...'
Of course the content of the song is somewhat different, but the chorus is absolutely fitting...for a translation, click on the Translator...hahaha...
And so, i myself have decided to start with Äußerungen, something which works somewhat like Project Tagesbilder, but...it's not a simple observation. If not i'll start saying things like 'Neo's stubble is getting thicker. He should shave it before i pull it out with tweezers.' You get the drift. It's either an observation, a sentence, a verse, a phrase, a power statement, or even a complete piece...something which has no elements of fantasy whatsoever, although i actually may pursue in writing that particular genre, but rather, an observation of daily life, or a little something which will give us the strength to carry on. I may use anything - original or not...rest assured...there'll be credits...
And so for today, for all those who believed in me in my darkest hours...
'Für alle, deren Feuern nicht erlischt...ich hab' zu danken, denn ohne euch geht es nicht...' -Laith Al-Deen, Für Alle
posted by quatscherei @ 22:08
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