The Failure
I’m back. I failed. I fucked up. That means…I will not be buying an iPod.
I will not be driving in THUNDER WARRIOR.
I will be poor.
I will be waiting until fucking MARCH 2006!
What they say about losing confidence is so true. I just feel empty now. Fuck the world man. Find me when I’m not on antidepressants.
And although i know that all of you mean well (and i appreciate it,) but i don't respond well to words of encouragement. I would probably tell you to forget it, followed by many moments of uncomfortable silence. For me, motivation comes from within - i wasn't brought up with much encouragement. Whenever i didn't do well, i was caned and dressed-down - but where did the encouragement come from? Myself. I wanted to do well. I wanted to push myself. I'm not used to encouragement, especially after failure. The only outside encouragement i can probably use is only applicable outfield. Best exemplified during deployment drill.
What fucked up?! WHAT?!
One way or another, i cannot fail anymore. Fail again and my license will be German. Drivers over there are way better drivers than in Singapore, anyway. So what if the test is stringent? Pass and you'll see all the fuckers on the roads without lane discipline, tailgating, skipping red lights. If i make it this time, i swear to you that after i come back from Germany, i will not be like one of those fucked-up retards who think they own the road. I still feel i drive better than them. And it's all because of stuff like checking your blind spot which did me in.
OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS.
What have i done?!
kah yee, do me a favour...forget all the supper breaks...forget getting an iPod...forget it all. I'm so, so sorry to have let you down. Mahjong is still on though. Come and find me again if i pass this time.
posted by quatscherei @ 16:54
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