Jahresrückblick 2005 Teil 2
So April saw the beginning of TA phase for the Trade Course. It was a time when melvyn and I were committed to training them the best way we could, using all the ideals we carried over from OCS. How fresh we were, with all the ideals of how officership should be like, with all our hopes and dreams of nurturing the best men that any officer could wish for.…and it really doesn’t matter if we don’t eat
no, it really doesn’t matter if we never sleep
no, it really doesn’t matter, really doesn’t matter at all,
because we’re so young now, we are so young, so young now,
and when tomorrow comes we’ll do it all again…
Guess what? All that fucking, punishment, vulgarity, discipline, and careful teaching really worked. We succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. They have become men whom we could leave in the specs because we knew we didn’t have to step in. They will always be my men (at least, for the next 3 months) and I am proud to have them under me, and to have me serve for them. And I don’t doubt that we had our differences (like with alex; that’s another story and I guess I’m glad that no matter what, you didn’t betray the trust we placed in you) but we all managed to come through somehow.
I also learned how to be Zen under potentially stressful conditions, like when one of my trainees got sent to the hospital due to breathing difficulties – it’s one thing to be worried, but it’s totally another thing not to show it…it’s strange, though, how sometimes I get rage blackouts and sometimes I’m really cool when you’d expect the average human to freak out. I guess I’m just strange. I got the experience of sitting at the A&E at 3 a.m. waiting for someone – something you’d rather not experience, but I did anyway…
All part of the Army experience? Hmm.
May saw the weather become absolutely unerträglich as it became hot and summery…a highlight of the month was, well…the teachers’ visit! I won’t say too much about it, save that we endured hours of sunshine to show the capabilities of Our Army(! So cliché, this term) to some teachers-to-be, getting healthily tanned (complete with disgusting Smart 4 tan lines) and looking out for chai at the same time! Hahaha…that sounded so lecherous but still. What do bored Army guys do anyway?!
On another note, my trip to CRESCENDO got cancelled because of an administrative fuck-up. As all things go, that’s the Army for you – a snafu – Situation Normal, All Fucked Up. I do remember bugging kai xiang a lot about this, but oh well…what’s done is done. You can’t change it. I guess I was particularly pissed because I was arrowed to be the Admin OIC for this exercise, which meant that I went through a fucking lot of work, running up and down, packing stuff for the exercise which I never even saw. It’s not difficult to imagine what a fool I felt like.
Also went for my unit’s retreat…which was some kind of team-building session where we wanted to define the unit’s vision for the upcoming work year (but nothing much came out of it anyway except drinking, playing cards and pool, watching football and horsing around in the swimming pool with a Frisbee.) Still, it was a good opportunity for the 43rd FAOCC sluts to meet up and talk trash…its like we don’t see each other outside of camp anyway (well, ever since johnnycakes moved out – I miss midnight bowling! Hahaha.) Most of us just saw it as a buggeration which had to be dealt with. Oh well.
May was just so full of buggerations that although I once entertained the notion of signing on, it began to diminish, especially during the preparation for shipment period. I was so busy, with absolutely no one to help me (danny was new, mind you) that I just felt that I had to get away from it.
…you gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger
you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
you got to stay together…
And then June.
My unit moved to its new block! Finally, the days of Obdachlosigkeit came to pass and I finally had a proper bunk to myself. Two-man, at that, and it came with a precious commodity in Khatib Camp: powerful showers! After using a flexible rubber hose to bathe for about 10 months, that was a very welcome change…
Yay. I love my bunk. Hahaha…
Post-shipment life was pretty damned balmy…I finally had to opportunity to meet emelyne, someone who I see about 3 or 4 times per annum. It’s that sad, but then again, she’s a bright young girl who’s in a totally different world from mine…she’s really someone who brings me back to Earth. She’s the one who taught me never to take my friends for granted, and to take them for a blessing. It must’ve been some pretty potent magick which kept us going so far…and I bought her a moonstone pendant for her birthday – her birthstone…
…and it is witchcraft, babe, and it is everywhere
in the woods and the sea, and the moon’s got it
this is witchcraft, babe, and it is everywhere
that shimmering and glimmering is what I am…
Speaking of the shipment, I also turned into jj part II…I inadvertently sent an e-mail filled with ‘interesting anecdotes’ about shipment to the CO (I accidentally included him in the list – I SWEAR! It was originally meant for my dudes/sluts) and I found out when boss called me to his office demanding an explanation. Sigh. Silly me. If you want to know what jj did, it became a legend of 24 SA…so it’s an insider’s joke – not for the general public! Haha…okay, okay. It has to do with jj, sng arms, and golf. ‘Nuff said!
The worst part of June, however, was the funeral of my heart. I knew she was attached to someone (she cited him as part of her reasons for rejecting me) but it was on June 26th – the day when our class gathered at shane’s place – when she brought him. Das war der Hammer! I just started downing Coronas at an astronomical rate. I don’t recall talking to her at all that night – if you heard any glass shatter, perhaps it was mine. That precious glass fortress I kept within me all this while – it shattered into tiny motes of light and crystal.
…she plays it hard, she plays it tough
but that’s enough – their love is over
she broke his heart and that is rough
but in the end he’d still recover
romance is over…
I guess she taught me an important lesson. About moving on. After some reflection, I came to the conclusion that you’re only young once – die Zeit wartet auf niemanden und man soll die Zeit, die man hat, gut ausnützen. No, I didn’t become a bon vivant overnight – I began to learn how to deal with it – letting her go slowly, while living more, enjoying each day – Leb’ den Tag, living THE DAY, not just any day…living each day as if it was my last. Slowly, I became stronger.
I also committed my first major screw-up as an officer, by failing my men and specialists when I set the requirement for them in the first place. That very morning I overslept, I knew I was in for a lot of trouble – not from my superiors, but from my people. I really fucked it all up in front of them. For that period of time, I was pretty much a mofo – mainly because I was so demanding on the specs (sometimes I really was) and yet I failed to live up to their expectations of me. What was I to do? Once, in JC, I redeemed myself by action – because words never really had any value for me anyway – and this time I did it. It was slow and tortuous but finally I made it back to them. Apologies to little kuek about being such a wanker. It was my fault, and it still is.
And...geboren:
the april fool - 1.April
babycakes(!) - 7.April
johnnycakes - 19.April
heidi - 2.Juni
emelyne - 19.Juni
Can't really believe that's all but...that's all i have anyway!
Lastly, I made an amazing discovery about doctors whenever they treat soldiers. They always assume we’re fucking trying to chao keng! KNNBCCB…what the fuck man. I hope all my doctor friends don’t turn out that way. No fucking sense of professionalism at all, abandoning their first obligation – to render medical aid – for their stupid prejudices. Maggots, them. Bah.
posted by quatscherei @ 01:05
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