Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out of
All this week, I have been asking myself the following question:Should I take up a scholarship to study?
Some people are strongly advising me against it – since my folks can afford it, they could just very well send me to Germany on itself – it’s only the living costs which are expensive…(well, until there’s another change in the Bildungspolitik, that is…) and sometimes thinking about it, I really cannot see myself working in the future as a, what, SCDF officer? I cannot imagine myself being tied down and having to work for a number of x years because it will likely be my career.
I don’t want to be tied in Singapore – I’d rather work for some company which lets me see the world. I mean, of course, I have so many close friends in the Army that I’d probably be back for ICT and all that shite…yet at the same time, I don’t want to feel like I owe someone a living and thus have to slog for x years just to pay it off. And it’s not like I’m going to be able to leave later. Sure, everyone says you can just leave. But when you think about your next upcoming promotion/upgrade in rank (which should require you to stay for another year or so)…would you leave?
What bollocks. Sigh.
I also don’t want the money of my sureties to hinge on my results and my personal integrity. By which I mean being true to myself and to no one else. I’m not completing my studies because someone paid me to do so.
Sadly, when I brought it up to my parents, I got snubbed. Quite badly, if I must add…The way I was replied reminded me of the time when I was 15 or 16 and they wanted to bring across the point that i can’t make changes as per my every whim and fancy. Yes, true, I can’t do that anymore. And yours truly has really been giving it some thought. I’ll think over it again in THUNDER WARRIOR. At least I only have to decide in March…that’s some grace for me at least.
Also, I was thinking: if I can go and work in the private sector instead of the governmental one, I think I would be better off going there, yes? Sigh.
I’m stuck in a moment, and I can’t get out of it.
These questions were plaguing me as I was outfield yesterday. Outfield was…quite boring. But I’m quite impressed with the guys – I mean, even boss was quite happy…he cut the exercise at like 3 a.m.? I expected it to last ‘til noon and then some…hmm…oh…thunderflashes and blanks were fun! The cleaning, however, sucks. Sigh. There’s pros and cons to everything, I suppose.
posted by quatscherei @ 15:06
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