Leb' den Tag: January 2005

Monday, January 31, 2005

Vergleichen...

Hallo ihr alle da draussend...i was visiting kelvin's and reuben's blogs when i came across something interesting. I don't know why it's like this but i get this strange feeling that we are simply way too alike. Isn't it just plain scary? I guess it happens when three people spend all their weekends together and with no one else, doing the same things, mulling over similiar problems, and chasing similiar ambitions. I'm not saying it's bad or anything - i'm just saying to have discovered it suddenly...it's like a bolt out of the blue...the thing is, among us three i was and still am the wild card. I just feel that way, don't ask me why...i feel the most unpredictable amongst us three. Unpredictable here as in everyday behaviour, not unpredictable as in 'when his dark side rears his ugly head...' And i don't know if this similarity is going to be good or not but i can say one thing: If things turn ugly between us it will be very, very ugly...sigh. They're important people but i really don't know what to think. Maybe it would've been better if we were triplets.

Anyway, one's blog is full of pseudo-poetry and the other is ranting about a love lost. Mine in contrast seems the sunniest of all...why is everyone either falling in love or facing love problems? Where is the love??

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Happy Days (Bacardi Haze...)

Hallo ihr alle da draussend...something i wrote...these days have been sunny and totally cloudless...hot days and cold nights but hey no one's complaining! And what's more, these days (pre- and post-commissioning) have perhaps been the happiest i've had...the pure expectation and also all the days when we just relaxed in the afternoons and talked cock in the bunks; going out over the weekends, just enjoying the company and much much more...looking back, it all flashed past and i can barely remember any detail. Like everything was nothing but one very long night when i got drunk and high...you know...happy, but hazy.

Los geht's!

Just another lucky day
Summer time, it's time to play
Watch the waves run through the sand
Kiss me now and take my hand

Laughter rings along the streets
Children laugh and lovers meet
Sunny days tropical nights
Get into the motion

What a feeling - it's never been so easy
When i'm dreaming...
Summer dreaming the days away...

Life's one happy paradise
Lying out in the sunshine
Slow motion, the world runs by
The fishes see you, see them smile

Now plunge into the deep blue sea
Crystal-clear and cool to swim
Smile at me and hold me close
We could be together

Bacardi feeling - all a summer night's dream
Watch the trees swing
Swinging in a cooling breeze...

Time now for a holiday
Skies are blue, never gray
Laugh and dance, life is so good
Get into the party mood....

Mar Adentro | Die erste Woche: SILL | Feines Essen und das Sich-Wohlfühlen

Hallo ihr alle da draussend...my first weekend as an officer! But that didn't mean that it wasn't xiong...namely...

EX SILL: Welcome to SILL, your AN/TPQ-37 deployment exercise. Same rules apply as FIREBALL, don't lose steam as officers! Your men are watching you (even if they're already in ORD mood...)

Indeed they were watching. Most of the locators (a.k.a. operators) were already in ORD mood, as mentioned above...but i do hope they were suitably impressed...haha...we were still in cadet mode la...so yes we ran around a lot and hammered iron pickets and pulled the camouflage nets and sat in the Sect Comd Land Rover on recces. Here's where learning starts all again for us...A reminder that learning never ends even if we have been commissioned to become officers...i think we've only just begun to learn as officers. We're not exactly used to people saluting us (which happens a lot due to those poor traumatised GS trainees) and we're not exactly used to not saluting our ex-instructors anymore, but i think even so our behaviour's changed quite some too...i think i've been very patient with the men under me, especially when the Rover got stuck in this shithole and spewed mud all over poor Johnny...I never blamed the driver himself (he was new, too...some good impression about the officers in Khatib already hahaha...NOT!)...even offering men my own water if they were low...things which would have never struck me to do until now...

*beams proudly*

Anyway. It's only the first week, so we'll all find out sooner or later if things work out...ya? I mean, Mark Kay and friends are leaving in April so then we'll be running the show (or sai kang, whichever comes first) so...until then at least got some shield to block arrows. After that...suffer on la huh...

I met Kah Yee today for good food and for some feel-good! That sounded like a rhyme, interestingly...haha...okay no more digressions...had ThaiExpress at Holland V (which although had good ambience was full of people talking with accents...urgh...sounded so i'm-such-a-stuck-up-colonialist...bloody swine...anyway! The 10-scoop-gelato place closed down. Closed down! Shat...so we ended up going to 6th Ave to eat gelato...at the Gelateria Venezia...And ger ah...the girl IS hot la...but kah yee says i looked very humsuplo (sleazy) haha...oh no...sleazepot officer! But...a hot girl serving gelato...sigh...luckily she didn't know i was making eyes at her man...that would've been freaky...We also got to read the papers...something i used to think as a wastage of time but now it's immensely enjoyable...i don't know what caused the change but i certainly had a good time reading it with her...But we were all so full...i hope, dear, that you went home, slept and woke up feeling on the top of the bloody world...well because if you're happy, so am i! It's sinful, but...

Let's just do it again ya. Oh and for your information, Reuben says he's not interested in her in tt sense yet...of course, we know better, don't we? =)

Then we caught Mar Adentro (The Sea Inside) in the evening...It was this discussion about a quadriplegic who'd taken the choice of euthanasia...Actually it was a very comprehensive study of the entire topic of euthanasia in Spain...How life should be a choice, not an obligation. I think that we just believed that life is something everyone hangs on to, so it becomes a natural obligation to live such that it becomes law...About the mental anguish of those who really care for this person; about the mental torture the very sufferer has to go through to reach such a decision; about how Ramon, the quadriplegic man who wishes only death, flies to the beach and the ocean whenever he wishes himself there ('the ocean gave me life, but also took it all away...'); and surprisingly i was very very sympathetic to him. So many touching scenes in a movie...the movie achieved a very difficult feat of balancing...Balancing all the different facets of euthanasia whilst preventing the movie from becoming some empirical documentary about the topic. It was emotional. I sympathised with Ramon for his desire to fly, for his hopelessness, and with immeasurable respect with how he carried himself despite himself being condemned to drink that solution of potassium cyanide. I guess he had a free choice, so he faced every day with a smile.

'After being dependent on so many people for so long, you learn to cry with a smile.' -Ramon said this of himself...sigh. Yet another awesome flick for y'all to go and catch. It's going to be quite a bit to stomach, but such a gem of a movie is really worth the wait. And in the end, even if he died, you kinda felt his sense of release. Back to the day where he should have drowned, yet was snatched back from that embrace of oblivion. You may question his reasons for suicide - after all, he had a caring and loving family, was doing meaningful things to while away his time, and was blessed with the gift of being able to wonder in spite of his disability - to think back to that pristine white beach and be there...So why?

I guess the movie is also named The Sea Inside because deep down, Ramon never left the deep blue seas. It was a place he loved with all his heart and it was fitting for him to go. And i guess he led a fulfilling enough life in between...but he had decided on death, choosing not to become a burden anymore to those around him. Returning to the ocean, even if only in his mind's eye, was his only solace. I think he meant a 'life without dignity' would be a life where you had to cry with smiles everyday because you couldn't thank your loved ones for all the love and care and support they had been showering on you in any other way than to smile and be appreciative.

What i would have said to Ramon? Simple words sum it up.

'Ya did good. Fly.' -Wolverine to Beak, New X-Men VII: Here Comes Tomorrow

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Was geht ab? | Rückkehr | Unvergessliche Gedenken

Hallo ihr alle da draussend...Today we've all finally returned downstairs back to 24 SA...it's been bloody long enough i suppose...finally back there! I've been posted there to TA (Target Acquisition) battery...dealing with weapon-locating radars which are supposed to track artillery fire and give you a grid which is supposedly accurate enough for you to phone your dear gun batteries to call down death and destruction upon the enemy. Well. It doesn't work all the time, what's more, the radars are prone to jamming and even anti-radiation (!) missiles....Talk about the sword-and-shield analogy...something used to describe an arms race...

And what's more, the radars are notorious for making men give birth to girls only...As most of you already probably know by now (unless you've been living in a well or maybe Alpha Centauri) that the sex of a baby is determined by the male...i myself can't imagine having lotsa little girls running amok at home...yet...

Anyway! A small correction to what i posted last...i'm not going for EX SHIELD...rather, it's EX SILL...it's still the AN/TPQ-37 deployment exercise...(etwas verkürzt aber)...We had some introductory lessons to the radar system today. And to think that the deployment exercise is bloody tomorrow! Oh dear...i do hope we're able to perform...and that that officer-is-everything shit doesn't go to our brains...If not...it'll not be psychosis anymore...rather...complacence...something which doesn't really have a place in any of us. Sigh...Just feeling a bit stressed. Happens before every deployment drill/exercise...

Anyway...here's something (it should be quite dated by now but hecks) which i came across which i feel quite strongly about...It's about this parent who wrote to the Straits Times about taupoking...because his son happens to be in 'a premier junior college in Bishan-Ang Mo Kio' (which everyone knows starts with an 'A-') and because he sees that his son takes part because of peer pressure so now he is asking for it to be looked into and maybe stopped, because it may cause injury...

Anyway, definitions first. Taupok (v.) the act of piling one person atop another...to create crushing power on the poor victim which is at the very bottom. Named after tau pok...beancurd...i think la. My dialect isn't very powderful...Firstly, i don't deny that it can cause injury. Anyway......

Let me give this concerned parent a little lesson...Whatever the year that we live in, things like this can, and will happen. And banning it won't stop it, rather make it that much more popular because of the plain fact that it is forbidden...(especially in a place which can be so repressive like Singapore...) kinda like why goods on the black market are so expensive, yet they sell like hot cakes. And well, i think it is a phase of growing up...and yes, see Power by Bertrand Russell...people do it because they want to feel powerful over others, people suffer from the herd mentality because they want to be seen as the one who exercises power, not victimised by it...

Being part of a premier institution doesn't mean that things will be looked into or that these things don't happen - what did you think then, such things only happen in low-grade institutions? Please do not be so discriminating. Discrimination in Singapore still happens sadly because of people who think like you...In fact, it is all the more likely to happen in premier institutions because people there want to assert their control over others. Yes - how cruel life is huh? It is not the uneducated savages which can be the cruelest but the educated élite...he who turns his nose at what others do will tend to be the most extreme and fanatical about this so-called 'cleansing.' Given an uglier name? Apartheid.

Lastly, please tell your son to have some backbone. If he did, he would have declined to do it anyway! At the risk of? Taupok? Kena pole? That's about it because people in Singapore luckily still have a sense of public decency which means no stripping in the prescence of the opposite sex. Well not to digress. He would have stood up and said NO rather than tell it to you and wait for you to take action, rather than doing what the herd does with a deep sense of loathing within. Feeling bad about it means nothing if you carry on doing it.

Bleah. That's what i think about this issue...I'll be writing about things which i feel i should be writing about which are in the newspapers from time to time...

Anyway...I was inspired to write this suddenly last night in camp...It was about a very magical week in June 2002 spent with 6 other very magical people...too bad that it's in German! Haahahahaha.

Wieviel ist uns hier schon passiert
Wieviel ist davon erzählt
Wieviel haben wir denn verraten
Trafen sich unsere Träumen mal hier...

Den Kanalen entlang laufend
Das will ich noch mal erleben
Die Sonne scheine und uns ist warm
Dieses Bild ist nun ein Traum...

Alles, was wir damals sahen
Alles, was man uns da sprach
Alles, was in Träumen geschehen
Was wir nicht vergessen darf...

All die endlos lange Nächte
Und die Sterne zum Greifen nah
Nebeneinander einschlafend
Bis um kurz nach acht...

Abends wenn ich bei dir sitze
Schauen wir zu, wie die Lichte verglühen
Eine einfache Melodie, zur Ewigkeit gesungen
Sind meine Gedenke nun jetzt zu albern?

Damals waren wir alle kleine Helden
Öffneten die Tür zu neuen Welten
Ob wir heute noch so gelten
Ob wir die Gedenken noch miteinander teilen?

Monday, January 24, 2005

Commissioning!

The culmination of all our efforts...of 42 weeks of training...all on that parade square under an azure blue sky. Even the sun smiled at us as we marched up to our places, in our smartest No. 1 uniform, mirror-shined boots, peak cap and chromed bayonets, studs and horseshoes clicking on the hard pavement of the parade square, synchronised movement which flowed like poetry, singing which shook the entire parade square. What more?

Rifle salutes performed in absolute synchronisation. One slap on the handguard, one report of the studs on the pavement. One resounding sound from tapping the M16 butt on the square. Standing rock-still during the presidential inspection. Our national anthem. Our pledge to the President, and our resounding 'Yes, sir!' to his Declaration. Advancing in review order. The slow march (who could forget?,) the changing of shoulder boards...that proud moment when your parents stepped back leaving those golden bars upon your shoulders. Throwing the peak cap and celebrating all that's happened and celebrating all that's to come!

Also...to all my friends who came down...seeing them, and knowing full well that many of them came just to see my 1 hour of fame on the square...it was touching. I guess i was just too high to cry...I'm just so thankful to see them there...so, so thankful...

Of course, everyone said it was good. I think we were below par. I won't be telling you why though...it'd be a spoiler!

Commission loh...I just found out that i'm on EX SHIELD on thursday and friday. Goodness...as if things couldn't get any crazier! I'm only a 1-day-old officer! But as they say, learn on the job...I just hope that i can live up to what we have sworn to the President and live up to all the expectations and obligations.

I salute you, my liege...

What i fought for is not obvious to others...yet it remains crystal clear to me...

From one to the other...

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Coeur de Lion (The Roar)

My proud roar tears the quiet of night
Unafraid of darkness, unafraid to fight
The heart of a lion rages within
Are you the one to be my kin?

So hail and tremble at my call
Dare anyone question my pride?
My face is easy to draw
Yet my honour is mine to hide.

Lionheart, wrought of honour, pride and steel
Chainmail armour able to feel
A noble crusader for his cause
Bemoan the day that he falls...

Gleich wird die Zeit um...

Genau, gleich wird die Zeit um...Hallo ihr alle da draussend! In about 21 hours, i will be commissioned on the parade square at SAFTI MI. I can barely wait...time seems to crawl now but time flows without a stop, waiting for no man...so my time will come soon...that moment of pride and precision, coordinated drills. For once, we will be told to show off what we're made of and be proud of it!

And so many people will be there to watch us commission. I met up with Gladys today to hand her the passes and also to catch up a bit...She's cut her hair short...but still doesn't hide the real her...What can i say? She's tired, no matter how she denies it...the dude by her side also...hahaha...it makes me actually afraid of studying in university. Luckily i'm not going to be stuck in this depressing shathole called NUS. But it also warms me that after so long, we're still not aliens to each other yet...a sad thing which has happened to too many people. Well...she still dances and loves it like crazy, i figure that's good...something which you have passion to warm to...yet she works her head off. I hope my dear mei isn't like her...work, work, work without sparing a thought for yourself.

And also i'd like to shout a merci beaucoup to all those who remembered that i'm going to commission tomorrow...Ivy jie, mehmeh...and even to eme and jacque...i'm so sorry that you gals won't be there...i'd want you to see me there...and also xiaojun, for putting up with all my trash and in the end even getting people to come to the parade. For all you've done for me...words cannot describe...and to kah yee, my best friend...hey...wouldn't have ever made it without you...and thank you so much for coming!

Not so far in the future as 42 weeks seemed initially, i'll be marching into that spacious parade square singing...Singing a song we sang for what seems to have been all eternity, but never had any significance until now.

We come from many places, all across the land
From many different races, together hand in hand
United we stand, divided we fall
Ready to serve our nation's call

We come from OCS, we are the very best
Leading with dignity and pride
Wherever we go, we will always know
Our spirit is forevermore...

Loyalty to country is what we all believe
To lead, excel and overcome is what we must achieve
Forever strong and valiant, we'll give our lives and more
Never ceasing to serve Singapore

We come from OCS, we are the very best
Leading with dignity and pride
Wherever we go, we will always know
Our spirit is forevermore.....

Friday, January 21, 2005

Zähl die Stunde all zu gerne, ich lass sie durch meine Hände rinnen...

Hallo ihr alle da draussend! Endlich bin ich so weit; Time waits for no man, and the time when i throw my peak cap into the darkening skies nears...already below 48 hours and counting...i just pray that nothing will go wrong on that perfect day; that the azure skies do not cry for us (yet) and that i will be able to do what i have been drilled again, and again for. Just as the title suggests...i'm counting the hours oh-so-excitedly...letting them run through my hands, savouring the moment until it comes.

It's been a tiring week. Wir sind alle todmüde...Jeden tag üben wir für...8-9 Stunden? Es gibt auch starke Sonnenschein, und hinzuzufügend stehen auch die Strafen für all die blöde Fehler, die wir machen...z.B., doubling around the parade square, GIMME GIMME TWENTY, u.s.w. ...Es ist ziemlich anstrengend, doch hat bis jetzt niemand aufgegeben...It's all due to pride, that very moment when you step onto the parade square in your No. 1 uniform, the moment when your friends come to take a picture with you, that moment when your parents come to place the gold bar upon your shoulders. I think i may break down and cry when that happens, or maybe even during the slow march...the culmination of so much effort, blood, sweat, tears, weekends...finally it all comes to that black bar upon your shoulders.

But it was also more than that. I remember all the good times spent with friends - Life at Delta, getting turned out together and suffering together through all the shit which happened to us. The friends at Delta who have stayed while most of us moved on - it was good seeing them again when we came back to Delta to stay... The days in School of Arty when we slacked so much, lived together in those shitty cramped bunks, complaining about the showers which literally trickled water onto our bodies, Helen's patented Stand-by Universe, FATA, life with Forest, Fats, lao ban, Johnny, Melvyn, Guo-Liang, Pornoman, and the bitching sessions we had against 43 (we sounded like BITCHES! Ugly.)

Who could forget the exercises? SPADE. Living with Chowster, moaning in despair whenever it rained, asking if we were going to die in the pre-dawn cold, pigging out on durians to boost morale, eating magic pills...to POI, ultimate defence of Mandai II, to the time when i became the Sergeant-Major and got all those ugly fackers to go and raid the base, culminating in that final assault, the time when we caught a bangcar in the jungle ahahaha...to SOCJOT, up and down Biang with Jamester and the Delta boys sent to Arty, throwing away combat rations, eating biscuits, living in a hammock, building fires, combat swimming...to MILO, getting lost in PLC, calling for mortar fire, and even firing the 81mm weapon ourselves...to SAFARI, insufficient sleep, Fire Mission Battery, BCP mania, to deployment drills (Including EAGLE n' FIREBALL,) Action Front, Cease Fire, Arty incoming, air raids, knock it down, coming back all smelly, wet and muddy at 7 in the morning to see the Liaison pricks going out...to BATTLE KING, insane wild fun in CRESCENDO...to now.

It's the end. The closure of a beautiful chapter, written by blood and sweat but also with laughter and brotherhood. I'm glad to have lived through this. I'm glad to have so many of you as passengers on the same train which is our lives, no matter how short your stay.

From 42 weeks to 48 hours. Excelsior!

Inspired Words (wovon aber hab ich keine Ahnung)

I thought them up one night in OCS...it may sound fantastic (as in fantasy type of genre, not fantastic as in outstanding! Surprise, surprise...it can mean that...) but here goes...I'll update y'all on what's happening in my last week as a cadet later...

I haven't even got a title for this yet. Haha...

Bathed in white light, she sings
Alone in the dark, one single heart
Who will carry her on his wings?
What angel flies to her in the dark?

Her world's lost heart, it's getting cold
The dark closes in before your eyes
Light weakens, now it flickers and fades
She's losing her final foothold

The angel, she's falling
Darkness closing in
Her prayer shouted out to everywhere
Sanctuary - do you see it
Do you feel it?
It's all make believe...

And although she is praying the words fade away
Haven't you seen, it's time to believe
The ruins of her world...

She flails in the black, yet to no avail
Though in the dark she feels no cold
The light and warmth blossom from within
Taking her to a realm of angels...

She awakes upon a cracked crystal stage
Twilight shall rule the rest of her days
Begging for warmth, the light to see
It was all just a white light fantasy...

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Nightwish - Ghost Love Score

Aufpassen!

We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day

- My fall will be for you -
My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I`ll bleed forever

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee
Into the blue memory

- My fall will be for you -
My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I will bleed forever

Into the blue memory

A siren from the deep came to me
Sang my name my longing
Still I write my songs about that dream of mine
Worth everything I may ever be

The Child will be born again
That siren carried him to me
First of them true loves
Singing on the shoulders of an angel
Without care for love n` loss

Bring me home or leave me be
My love in the dark heart of the night
I have lost the path before me
The one behind will lead me

Take me
Cure me
Kill me
Bring me home
Every way
Every day
Just another loop in the hangman`s noose

Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home
Every way, every day
I keep on watching us sleep

Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve
Of you and me
Forgive the adoring beast

Redeem me into childhood
Show me myself without the shell
Like the advent of May
I`ll be there when you say
Time to never hold our love

- My fall will be for you -
My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
You were the one to cut me
So I`ll bleed forever

Wow. Amazing.

An der Ende steht immer ein Anfang | Mein Schwert | À ton image

Hallo ihr alle da draussend....so here is the beginning of the end...the closing of a chapter in our lives but yet the beginning of another great adventure...the ending of cadet days. Just as every chapter in a book has its ending, so does that very ending herald yet the beginning of another chapter. Ours is the never-ending book named Life. It's interesting to see how all our lives are all just a little part of a never-ending story - sometimes beautiful, sometimes insane; sometimes saccharine, yet sometimes bitter. So nothing is ever in vain.

In 7 days' time i will stand on the parade square at SAFTI MI and commission with about 300 more of us. The culmination of 42 weeks of blood, sweat and tears will be then. Until then...we shall all grit our teeth and carry on despite the crushing pain of the leather boots, the blisters, the sweat and odour, and all that doubling around the parade square by the SSM.

Yet part of me still doesn't want to commission yet. It's that nagging little voice at the back of your head voicing out all your doubts - that i'm not ready, that i'm not going to be good at commanding at all. I look at Kelvin and marvel at how he can inspire his men. I doubt i will ever be anywhere near him. Maybe he should be in OCS. For me, what lies ahead is yet another journey of self-discovery and learning. To learn how to lead, to excel, and to overcome.

Perhaps it should be fitting that i am bestowed a ceremonial sword to keep me safe when i embark on this journey. It symbolises all that i cherish and hold dear to myself. Just like any weapon will offer one security when one steps into unexplored realms, maybe this sword will be a thing to hang on to when i face my insecurities. Something which reminds me of what i have to do and which can lend me strength and confidence. It has that much symbolic meaning, ladies and gentlemen...A source of such pride...

Watched a movie today named À ton image... French for In your image...surprisingly, me, kelvin and reuben watched it and it somehow left us 3 feeling distinctly disturbed. It isn't a film for the weak-hearted, highly impressionable, the mediocre or the uninitiated. It's a movie which will keep you guessing, where every little detail can suddenly become very, very significant later on. And the shock ending, where the mother's history reared its ugly head yet again in a spectacular finale.

What's in the film which got 3 people who regularly laughed at the pathetic, clichéed efforts of Hollywood at gore and horror so perturbed? Imagine a woman who unwittingly clones herself and gets herself impregnated with her clone. The child is the spitting image of her mother, but wait...along with that comes along mom's memories. Mom's conscience, an inner voice which surfaces as intuition in the little girl. The voice of an adult running around in a young girl's skull - The conscience, pain and suffering of 40 years in the brain of a girl of only 4. But the girl grows up and begins to grasp what is going on - becoming one tortured by the hideous monster within.

I think that's enough of a spoiler. It's a really haunting movie...you should watch it! But try to understand the underlying meaning.

A new beginning awaits. It's been a long time a-waitin'...time to step through the portal into a brave new world...

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Los geht's!

Hallo ihr alle da draussen...finally...the beginning of the end has come...Today was the first day of commissioning parade rehearsals...just Friday afternoon we checked in to Delta Wing...(again!)...i must say that without the infantry dudes around (they were at some talk. bah.) the whole wing seems bloody haunted. But it was nice seeing the instructors again after what seemed like eons. (Bloody seems so even if it's only for 19 weeks.) sigh.

Everything seems different yet strangely familiar...the instructors haven't changed...talked a bit to Tiger...said hi to Angster...and Staff Phillip talked to us already about helping him out (y'know...help me to help you...) yeah...that hasn't changed so much! What's changed is perhaps the mood at Delta. As Jason put it...'This place is positively evil and i shall purge it...' I think Delta lost some of its homeliness...To me...it was a home because...after awhile...we all got so much shit together that we all became brothers...really...don't you believe it? So much so that i think we actually made the place actually habitable by the fact that everyone knew everyone else, and you could count on most of the folks.

Everything's just focussed now on one small point. One insignificant afternoon, yet a highlight in our lives. A day where all our friends, family and loved ones will come to SAFTI/MI to watch us in our dress uniform on that parade square. A day which will see us throwing our peak caps and berets into the sky and knowing that after everything we finally pulled through. A day of immeasurable pride and honour. A day where we will face the challenges of being an officer in the face. Shiny, chromed bayonets. M16 rifles. Mirror-shined boots. Horseshoes clicking on the pavement. Our parade.

Until then...

'You swine! Bloody maggots! Psychosis eating your brain! GIMME GIMME TWENTY!'

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Rückkehr nach Delta! | BEC | Kleine Helden | Abschluß endlich!

Hallo ihr alle da draussen...Tja, wir sind endlich soweit...i passed the course...had this little certificate presentation ceremony on Tuesday and we also got for free a pair of 2LT epaulettes...finally...the ranks have arrived...i think i shall wear them with pride (yeah like which officer doesn't) so...it doesn't mean that you are all-powerful, omniscient. It means increased responsibilities and also a little reminder that no matter what, you still have a lot of learning to do.

Until you become a senior commander, that is. I don't think Chief knows a lot too...but that's besides the point.

Anyway, tomorrow i move back to OCS in SAFTI for the commissioning parade rehearsals...apparently this is some new policy by CO OCS...okay lah, i don't mind. But the fact that HOTEL *shriek!* is ALSO in SAFTI at CTC (Company Tactics Course) doesn't bode too well does it? Well for one she could spring a surprise on us and give us those lengthy talking sessions or maybe conduct a 5-minute stand-by universe?

Nein! Ich will nicht...Trotzdem ist nichts dafür zu tun...So i shall be staying back in good old Delta. More crazy days, i think...it'll be good to see the instructors like Tiger, Terence, Angster again, but i can't help but feel that it'll be awkward with the infantry cadets. Not that i don't know them - hello, it's my old wingline...but it'll just feel...awkward. Mal schauen! Anyway it's only for 2 weeks...

Commissioning parade on the 23rd January in the evening!! Mit dem Abwarten bin ich ungeduldig, will aber die neue Verantwortung nicht an mich zu tragen...

Had BEC (Battery Endurance Course) today. Okay lah. FA and Liaison found it killer but i think us FATA guys did quite well...mainly because deployment drill is like five times more killer than BEC...But let's see what we did. Combat swim. 5-klick fast march. Deployment exercise. 2-klick SOC. Actually...it was quite crazy lah...i was dying during the fast march because i couldn't catch up - couldn't match the timing! Then during SOC because of the extremely long rundown there were people falling out here and there...insane folk like Jason screaming but hanging so so tightly to what he held dear - the trophy. The glory of winning. The knowledge that no matter what you stood up in defiance of the odds and made it.

Kleine Helden...little heroes...we are all little heroes, aren't we? Teaching each other little lessons of life, opening new doors undiscovered or shut off to others...stepping on new grounds. Giving that human touch which most of us all lack. A listening ear...Sacrificing for others...Healing with music or words...i don't know, but we are all little heroes deep down. Think about it. Who has touched your life? Made changes? Left you a better person? Little heroes - they may not always be seen or even felt. But think about it and you will see them...clearer than glass...

Monday, January 03, 2005

ejuveAlles kommen zur Ende...Dort steht ein neuer Anfang

Hallo ihr alle da draussen...finally the long long weekend has come to a close...like everything does somehow...but at every ending there lies a new start...to another week in camp...sian...but finally we're going back to SAFTI!!! woooo~~~ Parade rehearsals beginning now...

Can imagine us getting shouted at in the parade square again...marching according to SSM's timing...rifle drills...doubling around the parade square...which reminds me...got to memorise those dumb parade songs...because if we don't remember then we die...it's that simple...not really lah...you have to sing it with pride...show them the stuff you're made of...

Of course, commissioning also means lots of stuff. Like the commissioning ball...i think i've got someone to go already...she's a person who i'd like to share little parts of my life with...to invite into my life to see what sort of no good i've actually been up to in the past...23 weeks of pro term...it's a long time...but a time to treasure too.

FUN FACT: I'm the music consultant for the course DVD...Jason said it was full of Chinese songs...luckily what i'm giving them is, in Jason's words, WOMAD (World of Music and Dance)...I hope la! =P

I think i wanted her to go simply because...i've never really understood what she had been up to, why she had to consistently make herself so, so busy. Even I worried for her when she worked herself sick and yet wanted to push on. But she says 'ren qing'...or being sympathetic, compassionate...along the lines of that...but she, in being compassionate to others, was being to totally cruel to herself. I guess it's just her. How many times did we argue over this? Even to the extent that it all came to a head sometime in november. I'm glad to put it behind...but i learnt something important which i thought i knew long ago, but never really exercised.

Lehre davon: All relationships are based on give and take.

Well...she said she learnt something too. She learnt that she had to take care of herself too...she told me last night. I was stunned. How could she have been so optimistic in the face of all the shit i gave her? She said she learned and was thankful. I myself could not thank her enough and apologise and she was telling me this...

I think i've chanced upon a gem. A person who is forgiving, optimistic, kind, sympathetic, but yet human.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

2005

Hallo ihr alle da draussen...jetzt ist 2005 endlich gekommen...so an euch alle: einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! Even if everything seems really down in the world today...alles wird langsam besser, oder? I really wish all these people suffering out there will have a really blessed 2005...it's a new year - lass alles nun neu anfangen, okay? Hopefully, no more wars, no more bloodshed, and more peace.

2005 is also the year of commissioning. I'm really looking forward to it...officerhood...sounds good, doesn't it? It's time...the culmination of 42 weeks of blood, sweat and tears...The white bars turn black soon...But with it comes responsibility which i don't know if i'm prepared for. Well - learn on the job! And i hope i can really earn the respect of these men...And have lots of crazy happy fun in the meantime.

Resolutions?

1. Commission and be an officer which actually commands respect.
2. Take up rock-climbing regularly again
3. To be kind to those who love and respect me, because they deserve it too.
4. Not to be overly demanding on my uni friends who are swamped with work
5. Bowl like a pro.

I also happen to have some great plans for the future...the 3 of us actually intend to open a café/bar for students in the future...by 2012!

Happy days...

Breathe. Smile. Cry. Run. Fly. Laugh. Love. Loss. Anger. Wonder. LIVE.

Name: quatscherei

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